When I was in high school, I had a planner. I would sit and look at it for hours, trying to think up things to write in it. For some reason, unless I had every hour accounted for each day, I felt like I was failing. You might think I was an overachieving, straight A student with OCD, but you’d be wrong. I was the kid that would wait til midnight the day before the due date to write my essay. I’d put off homework or just not do it half the time. I missed a lot of school. I got basic grades and actually missed the Cheer Squad by .5% on my grades. I was definitely average.
Today, I sit for minutes, looking at the planner in my phone and search for an empty spot. I long for a day with nothing highlighted, telling me I have to do something or be somewhere. A “day off” is usually just a day that I physically write a list that is way too long, of all the things I have had to put off while I put out fires. Life is busy. My college son is bemoaning his heavy load lately. I look at him and shake my head in wonder. “Son,” I tell him,” this is the easy part of your adult life.” He has no idea what is in store for him. He has no job, no girlfriend or wife, no children, no bills,….just school and his church calling. Now, HE is the overachieving, straight A, OCD child. He amazes me with his dedication and desire to learn everything, not just make it through or get good grades. He’s my hero today.
It’s weird how we rarely know how good we have it until things change. I remember a few months back, during the summer, when I spent hours lying on my office floor wallowing in Netflix Big Bang episodes. It’s not that I had nothing to do, I just didn’t have to do anything right then. I had a bubble of relaxation I could savor for a few days. It might seem, sound, or have looked lazy, but what wasn’t obvious was the extreme stress I was enduring at the time. My grand daughter was ‘lost’ and I seriously couldn’t focus on much without shutting down. Netflix was about all I could do.
Now that my grand baby is with me again, and I’m back at school, and all the regular type stress I have is safely stored in my right shoulder, I am able to tackle the never ending list of tasks that have made residence in my calendar. Speaking of calendars, I need to add that to my list. The one on my wall is from last year…
Cause I said so.