Waisting away

rainy cafe

 

Do you ever miss something that wasn’t real? Ever feel like you want to go back to somewhere that didn’t exist? Me too.  Bits and pieces of my memory sometimes put themselves together to make beautiful pictures that leave out the holes of reality. I remember only the good parts. Only the parts that made me smile.

Sometimes, if I think real hard, I might remember that I didn’t actually smile when the memory was being made. I might remember being annoyed or uncomfortable. I may have been in a hurry and missed out on the special nature of the memory making until it was only a memory.

The whole memory editing can be quite convenient at times. Take child birth for example. If women really remembered how awful it was, they would never have more than one child. But we remember the awesome feeling of holding that brand new baby; the total rush that came right after the hard part. The really horrid part is edited out for the propagation of the species.

Major editing has taken place on the memory of my life before my husband died. I remember the fun dates, the cuddling, the sound of his voice. I edit out the irritation, lack of help, and stress. It’s better that way. I’d want nothing less if I’d been the one to go first.

Remembering the good stuff can be a bad thing though. Past relationships can hold me back when I think of only the good stuff. Exploring empty  houses, dancing in the canal, watching the stars on a deserted golf course….they get in my head and turn my heart back to places I should move on from. Or should I?

Expectations are inevitable. We bring all the baggage we want to avoid and all the love we want to rediscover as we move through life. Disappointment is just around the corner, waiting to pounce on us with an “I told you so!” at any minute. Kind of makes you want to stay in the cafe and watch the rain from a distance. Let someone else get wet.

But then again. Rain washes everything clean. Rain can be fun to dance in. Rain smells mighty good. I might just take a walk in the rain…cause I said so.

 

Photo credit: http://www.pinterest.com   Sorry I can’t be more specific!