When I was in high school, I thought the worst thing in the world would be to move to Texas. Texas was full of those big funny hats, uncomfortable pointy toed boots, and (shudder) country music. It would be a fate worse than death to have to move there. I was Never moving to Texas!

I got married three days after Christmas, in 1989. Yep, I’m ‘that’ old. Two weeks after my day of matrimony, I moved to Texas. Yep. Or should I say, ‘yup’. It was the beginning of a long journey of ‘nevers’ that I was going to be blessed to endure.

As a teen driver, the only thing worse than moving to Texas was dealing with the crazy drivers from California. Seriously! You could spot them a mile away! They drove crazy, aggressive, dangerous! Little did I know…yes, I moved to California. After being completely submerged in the CaliCulture, I realized the bad drivers were all still in Arizona. Well, Texas was MUCH worse, but that’s another story. Drivers in California were good because they had to be good to stay alive. Life might move pretty fast Bueller, but traffic in California flies past!

I actually loved California. The weather was amazing and the wind always blew. I’m not lying, I actually love the wind. It is cleansing and just freeing. I’m happiest when I’m just standing in the wind. Okay, we’re not talking Haboob wind, but still… Clean wind please.

I would have stayed in California forever if I hadn’t made the mistake of saying the word ‘never’ again. I never wanted to move to Florida. Gross! It was hot and sticky and buggy…no way Jose. In this case, my never had a slight scenic route through Alabama. Wonderful people in Alabama, bless their hearts, but I only had to endure a year and a half before I was whisked away to the ‘never’ land of Florida.

It was almost as bad as I had imagined. It is possible to become climatized to almost anything. Extreme heat, humidity, cold, etc. But, there is not way to become climatized, or immune, to the dang mosquitos. I’m pretty sure there were neon signs or menus on display somewhere telling all the mosquitos that I was the best dish around. The little devils would come from three counties over just to die on my ankles. You can’t buy that kind of love…

It’s taken a long time for me to learn to use the word ‘never’ carefully. I think about it…analyze the risks, and usually just swallow it down. It isn’t a good idea to tempt fate. Although, recently, I’ve felt a bit braver. A bit crazy maybe. I’ve been throwing down the N word a bit in conjunction with Hawaii. I’d never want to go there, would I? With all those volcanos, beautiful scenery, fruit….nah. That’s not for me. I never want to go to Hawaii! Fate…are you listening?

Cause I said so.

Photo credit: ABC7.com