One for the aces


I have a cold. It isn’t fun or pretty.

I think, looking back, I tend to get ‘something’ around this time of year. One year it was hives all down my legs ( I looked like I had been beaten with chains), one year was a huge “sloth thing” on my face, and before that …. I don’t know, but it was probably amnesia.

I think it’s pretty cool how my body waits until I have a long weekend to get sick. I mean, how considerate is that? I could be out wasting lots of time going to movies, out to dinner, cleaning my house, but no. I’m spending quality time with my bed. As a side note, I’ve discovered just how uncomfortable my bed is after 15 hours of napping…

All this sick time has given me oodles of time to contemplate the mysteries of the universe. These mysteries are not limited to ‘where does all this snot come from’ or ‘ how does my house implode the minute I get sick?’ I’ve actually had some deep thoughts. Now, I have to give a little clarifying type side note here. MY deep thoughts are not like my son Ben’s deep thoughts. Just today, as we were driving to get my emergency Diet Pepsi, he looked in the passenger mirror and commented, “I just noticed how long my neck is.” Or when he mentioned a few minutes later that there are NO rats in Arizona. He knows this because, when he was at camp Geronimo his food was “compromised” by a desert mouse. These are profound and undeniable statements by a future guru. Mark my words. My son will be living on a mountain top, handing out sage advice some day. Forget Confucius, it will be “Ben says….” You think I’m joking….

One of my very deep and impressive thoughts was for a new app. I’ve been on single sites in the past and I’ve gone on dates with guys that amazingly, look ten years older than their profile picture. It is a weird thing. I’m sure its a glitch on the internet or something. But, I got to thinking. What if there was an app that would let you design a picture of yourself, 10 years in the future. You know, right now I may have a few extra pounds, a full beard, and no hair on top, but in ten years I plan to make so much money I’ll have a personal trainer, implants and a razor! Or, I may be a short Indian guy with bad teeth now, but in ten years my braces will be off, I will have had leg lengthening surgery, and I’ll be your hearts desire.

I’m thinking there is really a market for this. There’s already Photoshop, why not make it practical and useful for all those sad singles out there? I can see it now, many hearts will find each other due to blossoming future opportunities. Of course, there would need to be some fine print about the app not being responsible if there isn’t a surgery for leg lengthening in ten years, but seriously….you can do the razor.

Cause I said so.

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