Call me Mae Bee

embarrassment-006

 

I am concerned I have developed a new phobia. I’m well aware that I have a few already. Spiders, falling from great heights, drowning, developing uncontrollable flatulence, or a terrifying combination of all of the above. Shudder.

When I was a child, I was painfully shy. Most people don’t see that in me today, but it has been a long road for me to overcome that fear (watch for my book later in this lifetime).  I’ve had to do some daring things to prove to myself that I wouldn’t die, just by being a normal human. I would have something very witty to say and play the scene out in my head. I say witty comment, no one hears, or….people turn and look at me questioningly, pointing out my complete stupidity and lack of wit. My foot would slowly come up, enter my mouth, and the rest of my body would slowly follow until I had completely swallowed myself and disappeared. That was the best case scenario. Social fear is a real thing guys.

Like I said, I’ve mostly overcome that fear. A warning to those who also suffer from this, when you overcome your fear, be prepared for developing a complete lack of filter as a side effect. Now, I can say things, but sometimes I say too much and I do look stupid. But, I don’t care. So, win-win I suppose.

My new phobia, I’m afraid, is talking on the phone. I can carry on a witty, fun, long, detailed conversation with someone on Facebook or by text, but the minute they suggest we make an actual phone call….the blood drains from my face, my fingers freeze, and I find at least ten things I hate about the person, conversation, day of the week, way my hair looks, or my schedule. I make any excuse NOT to call or answer. My phone suddenly dies, the wifi goes out, my son needs a ride, or I have to pee. I’ve actually stopped talking to guys with great potential, simply because they want to talk on the phone.  It is weird.

When I was a teenager, I would talk on the phone all the time. I even remember a short time when I “borrowed” a phone from a friend and hid it in my room so I could talk to my boyfriend in the middle of the night. That didn’t last long….all it took was mom picking up the other line and hearing us talk to figure it out. We would talk for hours on end. I remember one conversation we had about gravel. Yes, gravel. I loved talking on the phone.

Maybe it is because I only have a cell phone that I hate it now. Maybe, the fact that my phone drops calls randomly, makes it just too much effort to talk on the phone. Maybe it’s because my cell phone is hard to hold. Remember the old school phones that had that extra cushion so you could hold it with your shoulder? Yeah, that isn’t happening with my slim little Iphone. If I try to hold it with my shoulder I have to basically fold myself in half sideways and tuck my head in my side pocket. Not to mention the fact that when I do finally get myself into that extremely uncomfortable pretzel form my cheek either puts my phone on mute or hangs up. Such a pain. Then again, it might be due to the fact that part of me really does buy into the idea that cell phones are giving us all cancer. Cancer of the brain is on my list of things I really don’t want to have. I’ll probably end up with cancer of the right butt cheek, since my phone is usually in that pocket.

What ever the reason, I’m a little concerned about this new fear. There are times when I really need to be able to talk on the phone with someone. You know, like bill collectors, solicitors, the…wait a minute…. maybe this isn’t a phobia at all. Maybe it is my subconscious helping me avoid annoying people!  Maybe I should embrace this as an evolutionary advance instead of a phobia.

I think this may be the way to go. I’m just going to run it past my therapist….hope he will answer my text…

cause I said so.

 

Photo credit: http://www.kingofwallpapers.com

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