I love the weekends. That’s the only time I usually have to sleep. During the week, I stay up too late and get up on time. By Friday, I’m exhausted. Having very little social life comes in handy when I crash and burn at 4pm on Friday afternoon.
The problem with finally getting sleep on the weekend is that my body doesn’t know what to do with it. I wake up with crinks and cracks and pains in my neck. I’m rested, but I don’t want to move. I have to question if it is worth it to sleep if it is going to cause me pain.
I am probably like most of you in that I have certain room requirements for me to fall asleep. I need my room to be completely silent and completely dark. This can be a challenge since I have the computer router in my room with all it’s blinking lights. I also have a window to the backyard and a vent over my door; all excellent ways for light to sneak into my room.
As I was snuggling in last night, I realized the light in the hall was on and the laser beam of light was going to be right in my face. I sighed and climbed out of bed to turn it off. After I turned it off, I made my way back to my bed in the far corner. I walked confidently and carefully, avoiding the items I knew to be in the way and using a small red light as guide. I thought the light was coming from my phone charger.
I touched the edge of a pillow as I got closer and my world was rocked. It was not where I thought it was. In fact, I was completely turned around. So much so, that I could not figure out where I was in my room. It was an incredibly weird feeling. I almost felt as though I had been put into an room that wasn’t my own. I kept moving forward, feeling as I went, trying to figure out where I was. I finally made it and lay down on my bed. Once I got there, the room spun and locked into place and I knew what had happened. I recognized the red light for what it really was, the air filter, and it all made sense.
This experience had a deep meaning for me yesterday. I had been going through some memories and talking with a friend about events in my past. Looking back, I can now see exactly where I went wrong back then. I remember how I felt at the time. I was going forward, sure about where I was headed and using the landmarks to guide me. I was stepping confidently and carefully as I went. It wasn’t until I got to the end and looked back that I realized how lost and misguided I had been along the way. In real life, the destination I reached was not the one I had set out for. In real life, the choices we make can take us into different rooms, houses, and even lives. Those little guiding lights we look for can be devastatingly misleading. Sometimes, we when get to the end of our journey, the life doesn’t click into place for a long time, if ever. Sometimes we end up lost.
In my room, I could have flipped on a light and looked at the path before heading back to bed. That would have made the journey easier and just as expected. I could have taken my phone with me as a flashlight. There were things I could have done to make sure I was on the right path. But I didn’t think I needed them. I had been down that path before, I knew what to expect, I didn’t need help.
In life, we have ‘lights’ to help us. We have trusted leaders, friends, family, and our Heavenly Father. Why do we think we don’t need them at time? Sometimes I see myself as a toddler saying, “I do myself!” and realizing too late that I can do nothing without help. My Father in Heaven knows the path. He has told us he is the light. He can see the pitfalls and math binders and misleading lights along the path. He knows how to guide us to safety if we will only let him. If we will only listen.
Pride is such a sneaky thing. Sometimes it comes in as fear and tricks us into a feeling of safety that is really a very dangerous ground.
I learned my lesson the hard way. I didn’t stub any toes in my room, but I hurt myself and others in my real life experience. I learned that as smart as I think I am, I don’t know anything. I need help. I need that light…..cause I said so.