Years ago, back when I did the kit toy parties to ‘earn free toys’, I remember getting a book that I loved. It was about a wombat that liked to try new things. He shouted, just to see how it sounded. He jumped, to see how much noise it made when he landed. He ran and ran and walked like a pigeon, all because he wanted to. At the end of the day, he just wanted to curl up in a ball and become very small.
“Some times I like to curl up in a ball, so no one can see me, because I’m so small.” Today is one of those days for me. I wish I could curl up in a ball so small and tight that I would not only be invisible, but there would be no room for my thoughts and the demons that plague me today.
Where do you turn, where do you run, when all you want to do is be different? I’d call my BFF, but he died six years ago. How do I make a new one? I never had a girl bff because I made my husband my BFF. I don’t know how to start over with that and have girl friends. Its sad. I think part of it is I want to appear to have it all together.
I know I’m not the only one with that pride issue. I look around school, church, the neighborhood…even WalMart and everyone is playing the game. If we really were honest, how many of us would put on make up and change out of our pjs to go to the store?How many of us would keep the living room clean while the rest of the house is a disaster? How many of us would paste on those smiles when inside we want to crumble?
It is slightly comforting to know that I can’t possibly be the only one in this situation, but then again, it doesn’t really help either. I don’t want to be in that group. I need to make a new BFF. I’ll do that tomorrow…or maybe Tuesday. I’ll need to go shopping and buy something cute to wear so someone will like me….
Cause I said so.