I have reverted to new born status I am afraid. The directions on my bottle of 800mg of Ibuprofen say to take 2 10 3 a day or as needed. I am only taking two. The label also states that it may cause drowsiness. Now, from what I hear, this does not happen for most people. Unfortunately, I am not like most people because they just about knock me out. I have been getting up, getting my kids off to school by eight and then going back to bed for at least two more hours. Sometimes I even sleep til noon. It’s crazy!  Of course, the fact that I am lying around half the day might make it possible for my knee to actually heal. So, basically, I’m not really complaining.

Today I did get up….around 10….and worked in my studio. My dear son helped me put together a couple of shelving units from IKEA and move them into my room. I have loads of crafting supplies. It’s a sickness. I am very blessed to have a room dedicated to all my fun creative ideas but it seems to always be a mess. I get stuff out and always have to leave before I finish. That means stuff stays out on the table. Sometimes I make myself clean up before I start crafting again, but sometimes that creative spark just has to get working! No time for clean up! As Brad used to say, I believe that shelving will fix all the problems in the universe. It’s kind of true. All I did was add more shelves and my studio is a new place. It is bigger, brighter, and even a bit cleaner.

I have seen miracles happen through shelving. It might sound corny, but marriages have been saved, health has improved, harmony has increased and more money has been made. All because shelves were added. Organization is a beautiful thing. I really do believe in Feng Shui and the energy of a home or space. It is just like accupuncture. When you have a blockage of chi (clutter) it can cause the whole body to be out of whack (depression, bad health, debt, etc…). Relieve or remove the chi block (add shelves, organize, declutter) and the body (room, house) is able to function properly and more efficiently. I love it. It is really amazing how much bigger my room seems just by moving things around and getting more organized. I actually have MORE stuff in there now and it feels less full. It’s like magic!

I’ve been working on adding shelves in my head/mind as well. I didn’t realize it until I started thinking about the effect my redone studio was having on my creative mood, but it’s true. I have been trying to quiet my mind and to find direction and peace. When I am stressed out and over thinking things, it is a lot like a chi block or clutter in my head. Just like organizing and adding shelves, by not over thinking things and trying to just step back and keep perspective, I am actually feeling more at peace in my own head. It is like feng shui for the brain. It is not a new concept, but it isn’t one we usually think about.

There is a corner in my studio by the window where I really wanted to put a tree or a soft chair…..it really isn’t big enough for either, but it would sure be nice. Maybe I should do that in my head as well. Pick a nice sunny corner and put a tree and comfy chair there. I can go there when I ‘meditate’  and pull things down off my shelves one by one and just spend time with them. I know I have boxes and boxes filled with things I don’t really want to think about…as well as memories I have forgotten about. It might be nice to have that time with them.

I’m finding that memories don’t always have to be sad. I have lots and lots of good memories of my children, but I have a hard time remembering good things about Brad. I’ve said before, it is my safety mechanism to keep moving forward and not sink into the past. Last night ( or this morning) I actually had a good dream about Brad. I don’t remember all of it, but I do remember looking into his face and just feeling that love for him. It was a really comforting dream. Is it possible to fall back in love with someone that died almost three years ago? I have had so many bad dreams about him…it was super nice to have a good one. It filled my love tank quite a bit.

Sometimes when I think about the world and how fast it moves and all the crap we have to deal with….I get a little overwhelmed. I wish I didn’t have to be here to deal with it. I think Brad really got the easy way out. I get to stay here and try to protect and guide my kids. Its a lot of pressure on me. But then when I have a dream like that, it makes me feel like no matter what garbage we hear about on the news or internet, it doesn’t really matter. What really matters is teaching my kids and keeping the chi in our home, minds, hearts, and spirits in balance.

Sounds easy when you just say it in words….putting it into practice can be another thing. I think that means we are cleaning house tomorrow…..and spending some time together as a family. We are gonna work on our home chi….cause I said so.