It’s been two years. Two years since I last took Baby G to the heart doctor. She had been sick with a nasty cold and the doctor heard something. A shadow of something that might be. Let’s be sure. The cold went away, but it had illuminated a tiny hole where there shouldn’t be one. They looked, prodded, listened, and listened some more. She’s fine, they said. Come back in two years. I wasn’t worried. In fact, until the appointment popped up on my phone last week, I had totally forgotten. Two years had flown by.
Baby G is a trooper. She actually likes going to the doctor, like Brad used to. I think it has something to do with the magnified attention they get. She followed all the directions, stayed perfectly still, and gladly took the lollipop and stickers when she was all finished.
The tiny hole is still there, but even smaller. They called it an ‘innocent murmur’. Come back in five years. Did you know you can make an appointment on your cell phone for five years in the future? I learned how to do that today. Will five years fly by as quickly as the last two have?
As I sat in the shadowy room, watching strangers look inside my baby girl, I had the strangest feeling. First of all, it looked like dancing aliens on the screen….so weird, but it was more than that. I felt the most incredible feeling of love for this little person. it was as if my heart saw her heart and it reached out and melded with it. Our hearts have known each other much longer than the last four-1/2 years. We were meant to be together. Becoming a mom again at a time when most of my kids are out of the house was not really part of my plan. I was so close to footloose and fancy-free. I could have been an “empty nester” about four months from now. Instead, here I am, still on the floor building with legos and pretending to be kittens with a preschooler. No one is more surprised than I am. My heart is not surprised. My heart needed her.
As I sat there, watching her insides dance on that fuzzy black and white screen, I felt an intense sense of gratitude for the blessing she has been in my life. What a miracle she is. If you know our story, there was a time when I didn’t know if I would ever see her again. It was a time of true terror in my life. A time when I prayed fervently for the gift of faith to take away my fear. My prayer was answered that day and again every day since.
I look at this little angel and I feel love. Love for her and love from her. Most of all, I feel love for my Heavenly Father for blessing my life with her. I know he loves me because he has sent this sweet girl to be my partner and guide in my life.
She truly is my sunshine.
Because I said so.