Boot traps

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Starting something new is fun. There is an adrenaline rush that comes with the unknown. Will it be fun? Will I be good at it? Will I like him? Will he like me? Will I spill soup all over my white dress? So many fun variables with new things.

I don’t have a problem starting new things. I can start a new project any day of the week. New story, new novel, new art piece, new craft…even a new friendship. The trouble I have is when it gets past the ‘new’ stage and I have to commit or complete something. I hate having things hang over my head, so you’d think I would be a great finisher. Not so. At least not lately.

I haven’t always been like this, I used to be a really great finisher. In fact, I used to not start new things until I finished what I already had going. It would drive me crazy to have more than one thing going at a time. I would make fun of my mom for having a bunch of unfinished craft projects. Just finish them! Now, here I am, turning into my mother.

To give her credit, she is a perfectionist and I am not. Her unfinished project was always three orders of magnitude better than my finished product. But I was okay with that because, I was done.

I have started writing again. Getting back to my passion and what makes me happy. My stories are yawning and shaking the dust off and blinking as I crack open their files. They are excited. So excited, they are tripping over each other to get ‘finished’ first. Do I pick the one that is short? The one I have been working on the longest? The one that is closest to finished? Or, do I start something new. The exciting tentacles of newness are pulling at my brain.

The only problem to succumbing to the temptress of new is, those stories that are crowding into view will only get louder and cause me to feel guilt and heaviness.

There is a fear in going back into a story. Sometimes, when I read what I have written I have to step back and ask, “did I really write that? It’s brilliant!” But other times, I jump back and think, “that’s bloody awful…I hope I didn’t write that…” It can be scary to revisit mental vomit. Its like visiting an old friend that you don’t quite know anymore… will it be awesome or awkward.

I feel the solution is simple. I will use logic, science, and brute force to decide. Yes, you figured it out…rock, paper, scissors. Best two out of three….cause I said so.


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