I started a new diet ten days ago. Okay, it isn’t a “new” diet, I have done it before, but I started anew. I’ve been feeling like a cantalope on a vine during a hot summer; slowly swelling til I fall off the vine. It isn’t a good feeling. My clothes are a bit tighter, my energy is a bit gone, and I’m single.
Okay, that last one may not have much to do with the diet, but dieting does get my mind off my loneliness.
A friend of mind complains when I say I am lonely. How can I be lonely when I have a house full of kids, friends, pets, and books. It’s true. I am rarely ‘alone’. Yet, I still feel that pang that only comes when one is single.
When you are single, there are lots of perks. Nobody is there to tell you what to wear, what to eat, how to spend your money, or what shows to watch on Netflix. Then again, when you are single, there is no one there to tell you that dress makes you look fat/great, remind you of your budget, bring you ice cream at midnight, or laugh at those shows on Netflix with you.
I’ve been single for just over six years now. My husband died in 2009, on the day of General Conference. I heard later that the conference was just for me. A friend even purchased the CD’s for me so I could listen later. I haven’t been able to do that yet. The day is kind of ‘removed’ from my life. I’ll take their word for it that it was good.
It took a while for me to get used to being single. I relied on my late husband for all the big stuff like choosing insurance, paying the bills, lifting heavy things, and killing spiders. It’s hard being a grown up, especially if you are the only one in the house/family. Some days I just want to stay in my jammies and say “no. I’m not gonna be the mom today.” Unfortunately, nobody is plotting to take my seat. It would just stay empty til the utilities were shut off and the fridge was empty. Then, I would probably hear the faint questioning of bewildered children asking where mom is.
This diet is fairly easy. I just don’t eat anything that has carbs or sugar. I can gorge myself on fresh vegetables and meat, but no fruit. Weekends are the hardest because I’m home with my friend the fridge. He is constantly calling me over and introducing me to his friend the pantry, famous for it’s hidden carbs. I’ve been strong so far. I’ve only eaten approximately twenty cucumbers and thirty pounds of fish. Okay, maybe not that much, but I’m not starving.
My kids don’t love the diet. My oldest son at home texted me last night, asking if I would get some food because we were completely out. I stopped for a moment and then replied with a list of food that was in the house. Chili, burritos, mac and cheese, hamburgers, beans, soup….. His reply was that it was completely unfair that I go off and leave him home with only nasty healthy stuff to eat.
Bad mom award, here I come. How dare I feed my kids healthy stuff? Guess I better rush off and buy some hot pockets. Cause I said so.
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