Some of my friends are going through ‘the change’ they tell me. I have told them, I don’t plan to do ‘that’. The ‘change’ is for wussy women that don’t know how to keep themselves healthy. Now, before you start the hate mail, hear me out. I read that book by Susan Summers called The Sexy Years, and I plan to live it. I don’t have loads of money or Hollywood doctors to make me special hormone blends, but I think I can still do it.

My plan is simple. I will no longer let anything stress me out. According to the book, stress is one thing that eats up our adrenals. Adrenals are hormones that keep us from falling prey to diabetes, fibromyalgia, etc. etc. etc…..equals the ‘change.’ That will be my first step. Bobby McFerrin, sing on.

The next thing I need is to stay in shape. This will be a bit harder than the first step because I am pretty lazy. I like working out when it is fun. Give me a conveniently scheduled step class full of 80s music and I’m there. Give me a non-hyper yoga class, hot or normal, and I am there. Fill my bike tires with air and push me out the door and I’m there. It’s all about the scheduling.

I will have to add the dreaded diet thing to my list. Eating healthy is not super hard for me. I am not a big sugar/junk food fan. I gave up soda when child number 5 was born, 15 years ago. I like to bake on Sunday, but other than that I’m a veggie girl. And potato chips…..

The only other thing I think I really need is sex. That is going to be the hardest one since I am still single. I’m was thinking about one of those mail order males, but my hair dresser informed me he tried working for that company once and it wasn’t exactly what I thought it was. I don’t have any eccentric old aunts with a distant cousin waiting to be set up with me. I also don’t have a large dowry I can tempt a suitor with. The singles scene I used to frequent is still full of the same old singles as it was five years ago, so I doubt it’s effectiveness.

When push comes to shove, I usually get moved off the couch. I am going to have to stoop to the lowest form of mating. Yep, you guessed it. Signs around the neighborhood. “have you seen this guy?” I just need a picture of Bradley Cooper mixed with Chris Pratt and a dash of Jimmy Fallon…….

Cause I said so.

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