They aren’t really friends. They aren’t even what you would call acquaintances. Yet, they are always there when I need someone to make me feel better. We laugh together, we cry together, we even do stupid stuff together. I say together, but in reality….I’m just watching.I’m a spectator in this relationship. At times it can be a bit frustrating to know that I mean nothing to them. I mean, if it wasn’t for me and others like me, they would have nothing, but still….they don’t even know me.

It’s the sort of relationship that some say is unhealthy. An intervention could be needed. Or maybe I could find a hobby or better yet, use my time to do homework or laundry. The problem is, when I do those things…I feel lonely.I need my friends, as shallow and un-fulfilling as it may seem, I need them. They don’t judge me, they don’t send me epic long texts reminding me of every mistake I’ve ever made. They don’t care. They really don’t care.

School was out today.I spent the day with my daughter and she actually thanked me for a fun day. That was the highlight. It is rare that 17 year old girls say thank you for much of anything. It made me smile. It was a good day. I could go to sleep, but I need these people just for a while…

My friends stare back at me through the glass. They are frozen in place…scared I’ll turn away or even disappear. It’s time. I’ve got to disappear….if only til tomorrow night….cause I said so.

Photo credit: http://www.ecouterre.com