I’ve been thinking about gates lately. Not the kind that swing and creak and squeak in the October night air, more like the figurative gateways in life. Choices we make. What sometimes seems like a quick jaunt down a be-flowered lane, through a white picket gate sometimes ends up leading us off a cliff to our sudden, painful, death.
Gateways are not to be trifled with. My kids hear me say it all the time. Stay away from drugs. Even the simple, seemingly ‘innocent’ drugs like MJ or cinnamon or even pumpkin pie lotion. You just can’t always tell where these things will lead. They aren’t so bad on their own, but before you know it you are stuck in the middle of a ‘bigger picture’ that is not the one you wanted to buy in the studio. Instead of being kissed by the hot navy guy, you are standing on a bridge screaming while your face drips off the canvas.
I’m not much of a good example unfortunately. I tend to jump in too fast, get invested too soon, spend too much on a couch I don’t love, or buy clothes that only looked good in the small, dimly lit dressing room. It can be very frustrating. The biggest problem comes when trying to figure out what is real and what is passing fancy. Did I want to go through this gate? Really? Or was I just admiring the flowers and accidentally stepped over the threshold? Did I walk in next to a friend, unknowingly, and find myself in a foreign place when they left?
I’m trying to learn how to chose my gates better. I had hoped my vomit catching therapist would help with that, but she seems to think I am completely sane and mentally together so, she is no help. Plus, she is breaking up with me. Sigh…I tend to suck at all kinds of relationships these days. My BFW tells me I need to slow down and unclutter my life. That sounds nice….but I think I’d get fat if I wasn’t running around all the time. I’m not sure which would be worse….getting fat or being stuck in a foreign garden. Of course, the foreign garden might be full of yummy fruit that I could eat to get fat….I don’t see a winning option here.
Guess I’ll just keep on walking. Talking to gardeners and smelling the flowers. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll find myself in my own garden….and someone will wander in……cause I said so.