I’ve made a new friend at work. She is sweet, soft spoken, and almost as snarky as I am. The planets have aligned.

Seriously though, she is a lot of fun. Today she brought us all a problem she has been having with her HOA (aka demon spawn police). I wonder if the people on the HOA hate themselves? Every one I know hates the HOA and their ridiculous rules and ‘letters.’ Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want a rainbow neighborhood with pink cars, foil covered windows, and livestock roaming the park. I have my limits. But sometimes, the things they gripe about are just dumb.

My friend informed us that she was having problem with a ‘pot-Nazi'(PN) in her neighborhood. I was only slightly surprised to hear she did pot. It was almost disappointing when she clarified to tell us it was about her decorative pots out front. Seems to me, this PN has too much time on her hands. It made me wonder if I would ever reach the age when all I do is sit my my window looking for people/things to gripe about.

I remember my grandmother sitting on her porch a lot, watching the people and cars pass by. She knew just about everything that went on in our little town. It’s good to be informed, I suppose, but does that mean I have to start caring? I really don’t care what my neighbors do. If they want to put blue pots out front for their flowers, go ahead. If they want to have a party and line the street with cars, go ahead. If they want to only eat lamb and hang garlic from their door frames, be my guest. If they want to throw their trash into my back yard, we have a problem. I’m also not keen on the idea of people walking around outside my house nude. Do it in your own house. Get a naked room. They are all the rage….

Everyone knows that I do actually care about some things. I like to help. To give aide. To succor the weak and afflicted and all that rot. I even suggested a plan to help the NP with her addiction to writing letters to my friend. You too can be a part of our relief aid if you wish. We are going to cover the lawn of the PN with garden gnomes next week. You can send your gnome donation to me at my house or directly to the PN. I think seeing all those beady little eyes looking up at her in the morning will fill her with so much joy, she will have no need to write any more letters.

You get bonus points if you send me the gnome with the yellow banana hammock….cause I said so.

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