I worry about people. Seriously, it keeps me awake some nights. Okay, maybe that is my Netflix addiction, but during the canned laughter I am worrying. All in all, people are very strange. It is amazing how our species has lasted this long. There are many different topics I could address on this theme, but the one I am thinking about today is singles ads.
I made the mistake of signing up for a certain single site that shall remain nameless (5 letters, starts with Z) I signed up about a year ago, before I went ‘un-single’ and I can’t make it stop. Seriously, I have tried to get rid of the app for over ten months now and it won’t go away. It is like a ….something that won’t go away….and It won’t. Yes, I’m tired.
I tried calling the company and apple and iTunes and my IT contacts….and it won’t die.
I have to admit, I do look at the flirts I get now and then, but hear me out before you judge me. I don’t look at them to find someone, I look at them to brighten my day and add that certain air of mystery that can only come from looking at singles pictures.
Let’s just think about the whole process. You are single. You don’t want to be. You find a singles site and you build a profile. Age, city, non-smoker, job, nothing unusual here…..okay, time for the picture. I know, let’s get that awesome picture Uncle Eddy took of you when you were flat on your back in a pile of your own underwear, drunk off your butt. Yeah! That will have the women lining up at your profile, begging for a good time. Heck, they will start proposing to YOU! It’ll be a dream come true!
Not. I’m not kidding. Some of the pictures on the profiles I have seen lead me to question……what would a BAD picture look like? If this is you, looking GOOD? I’m terrified. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about a person being ‘ugly.’ I’m not that kind of person. No, I’m talking about pictures that show guys with their tongues hanging out and their eyes glassed over. Pictures so fuzzy, you wonder if the old woman holding the camera was actually having a stroke while she took the picture. Pictures that beg the questions….’is that a prison cot in the background?’
Guys, I’m no relationship expert, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and give some unsolicited advice. Do yourself a favor and shower, comb what hair you have left in some direction, put a fricken shirt ON, and get someone that hasn’t drunk an entire case of Bud to take a picture of you that makes you look like you have had a job at one point in your life and you aren’t on American’s most wanted top ten.
Maybe you will get a flirt back, maybe a phone number, and maybe, just maybe….you won’t be blocked from every female single in your state. Cause I said so.
Photo credit: Google And I wanted one that showed how truly awful some of the pictures I see are, but alas, they have locked them all onto the single sites. I can’t find any on google, but this woman was kind enough to pose for me. Imagine her as a man….fuzzier, hairier, and slouchier….there you go.