Knuckle dragger



I haven’t watched Saturday Night Live in a long time. The last time I actually sat down and watched it was way back in 1993 I think. It was Easter time and they did a skit that was off the charts in inappropriate to me. I stayed away after that. I remember back when SNL was funny without being completely abrasive. Back in the ‘church lady’ days or the days when it would ‘pump you up.’ Good times.

I was pumped up today. I didn’t go to the gym or read any inspirational cereal boxes or anything like that. No, we had an assembly at school today. Having been on the bring home side of fundraising assemblies for many years, I had no idea what I was missing until today. No wonder the kids come home determined to sell five thousand rolls of gift wrap or eighty tons of cookie dough. These guys are pros! We knew there was going to be an assembly on something when we walked into the ‘cafe-nasium’ at lunch. The entire stage was filled with banners, balls, canopies, speakers, and assorted prize items. The kids all asked me probing questions about the event but I was able to withstand their questioning with ease. I didn’t have a clue what it was all about. When the time came near for the ‘assembly’, we could feel the ‘cafe-nasium’ throbbing from every classroom in the school. Rock music is not a norm at our school, but even if it had been, the volume the beat was at far surpassed any elementary speaker we had on campus before today.

It wasn’t enough to just have music and prizes, each class ran through a huge blow-up tunnel as the rest of the school cheered them into the room. Not only were the kids allowed to run and yell, they were getting away with screaming at the top of their lungs. It was a day for ear plugs.  Although it was ‘technically’ my break time there was no way I was going to miss whatever was happening in that room. I made myself useful and sat on the floor with the kindergarten and first grade.

It was amazing. There were three older-end-teenagers dressed in gym clothes dancing, jumping, yelling, and running around with more energy than first graders on a sugar high. These guys were good. By the end of the forty minute ‘pitch’, they had the kids in a fevered panic to get home and start calling every person in their parent’s phone book. They didn’t want A prize, they wanted ALL the prizes. It was hypnotic, inspiring, and over the top excitement at its best.

Before I left campus, I begged a t-shirt from the pitchers and a pledge form from my principal. I was sold. Hook, line and sinker. Don’t worry, I’m not going to call you begging you to buy popcorn or fruitcake. I won’t even show up at your door with a crate of candy bars strapped to my back. All I need are ‘pledges’ for our fun run. Its for a good cause, namely our playground at school. So, maybe I’m not all about the prizes. Maybe, just maybe, I want a playground so the kids will stop climbing ME. I mean, I love the attention but, I’m afraid I will soon look like a Gibbon monkey, with my arms dragging the ground. Although it may be attractive to other gibbon monkeys, I’m not sure it will fit with my current wardrobe. I mean, I already have to buy Long jeans, do they even make Long arm shirts? I’d rather not find out…..cause I said so.


Photo credit:,r:94,s:0,i:374

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