I have always loved music. There is nothing that moves me like a good song. I think I’m very open-minded when it comes to music. I will give just about any song a chance. That being said, I don’t like “music” that has screaming in it or lots of cuss words either. It takes something away from a song when I have to cover my ears through half of it. It also takes away from the credibility of the singer/author of a song if they have to resort to that kind of language. A good song is a type of literature for me. I love words and the stories some songs tell. That might be why I am getting more and more partial to country music. As a teenager, you would have had to tie me down and force me to listen to any sort of country music. I remember my friend Laura BEGGING me to just give Conway Twitty a try. I would not do it! When I thought of country back then, all I thought of was twangy, nasally noise. I’ve matured a bit since then I am happy to report, as has country music.
Some of my maturing may be due to a state of rebellion at one point in my life. Since Brad thought country music was of the devil, I would play it loud whenever I was cleaning house and he was refusing to help. It got his attention, but didn’t make him help me clean so I may have been off on that mark…but I still made a statement. “Help me clean and we can listen to your music.” Some battles just never got won. Whatever my initial reason for tuning into country music, I was pleasantly surprised by what I found. In the absence of screaming guitars and earth shaking drums I found sweet stories, advice, and even gospel truths.
Music also tends to take on a life of its own at times. Songs I have heard at certain times in my life can bring back feelings of joy, memories of a fun time, or an aching feeling of loss. Music can be my friend and lift me up and sometimes it can feel like a knife in the back. I remember after Brad died, there was a certain song I would purposely play when I was driving alone. It always made me cry. I would drive around town with my tears flowing full and fast and when I got home, I would feel better. It was almost like that song took a bit of my pain away each time I listened to it.
I remember as a child, I once snuck a kitten home from school. I don’t know how long I thought I could get away with hiding a kitten in my closet and feeding it tuna, but I wanted that kitten bad so I took the chance. It was a cute black and white spotted kitty that I named Patches. I remember two things about that cat. One, it shredded the top of a beautiful star quilt my grandmother gave me, and two is the song I was listening to when the man came to our door that dark rainy night to ask us if the kitten he had just hit with his car belonged to us. It was a horrible thing. For many years I could not listen to that song without getting upset. I think I’m mostly over it now….but I don’t sing that song.
Some songs put me in an instant good mood. I tend to go in phases as to what my good mood song is. Lately it has been “if I die Young” by the Band Perry….which is odd because it seems on the surface to be about death. But when you really look at the meaning behind the words, it is very much about life and the words we use. Like I said, I love words. What could be better than words about words? “Over the Rainbow” sung by Israeli K(something Hawaiian) is also feel good song for me. I love how it blends with “What a beautiful world” in his version. It makes me see the beauty around me and forget a bit of the drama I may have going on in my life.
As I listen to music lately, I find myself missing people. Best friends from high school are next to me when ever I hear any song from the Breakfast Club movie. The Pet Shop boys and Sarah bring back memories of my high school boyfriend. The pretty boy bands like Poison, Aerosmith and BonJovi take me back to my college days with Tammy. Too many songs to list remind me of Brad. And some songs remind me of the girl I once was in one of my former lives. I feel I have been so many different people on the same life track. They say our time on earth is so short in the eternal view of things, and yet I feel as though I have lived so many lifetimes already. All the girls I’ve been before and even the woman I am today are all blending together to make me who I will be tomorrow.
I may have been a lot of things, seen a lot of places, met a lot of people, and listened to a lot of songs. But one thing has always stayed the same. Music is food for my soul. It is where I find the extremes of my feelings whether they be good, bad, or ugly. I prefer the good……and find a whole lot of it in this crazy world. “There is beauty in the world….”……cuz I said so.