It is a bittersweet thing, coming home. I had so much fun in Nashville at leadership. I loved being able to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, with whomever I wanted. You may ask….can’t you do that anyway? Yes, I am an adult, in charge of my own life. But when I’m home, I am mom, first and foremost. I love being a mom. I love my kids. I love my life. But sometimes, it is good to get away and just not worry about things!
My kids are my pride and joy, but they are also the biggest cause of stress in my life. I wish I could give them everything they need to be successful and happy. Unfortunately, they have this thing called ‘free will’ that lets them screw up daily, if not hourly. Don’t get me wrong, I am a big supporter and advocate of free will. I would not want to be on that other team that chose to not have it. I love having free will! Sometimes I just wish I could make my kids do the right thing. Or at least show them enough to make the WANT to do the right thing.
It is sounding like my kid make lots of bad choices. They really don’t. They are great kids. In fact, I have very little to complain about. I just know that some of the little things they are doing, choosing, are not going to lead them to the happiest place they could be if they chose differently. I keep reminding myself that I too was a youngster that made some pretty stupid decisions. I too walked the path that could have lead to unhappy places. I was incredibly blessed in the way my life turned out. I know that I probably deserved a much rougher, less happy life than I was given. I am glad for the lessons I have learned along the way.
I can only hope and pray that my kids will be as blessed as I have been. In spite of their choices. I sincerely hope they will have the eye opening opportunity to turn their lives around like I did. Marrying Brad was the turning point I needed. I was never a wild and crazy party girl, but I could have gone there. Brad came along at just the right time to steer me back on the path I needed to be on. He always said I saved him, but really….I think he saved me. I guess we were a good match. We helped each other. Now, if only he hadn’t bailed out on me during the teenage years….O well, it all happens for a reason, right? I’m just still trying to figure out what that reason is.
Life goes on, if you’re lucky. Days turn into weeks that turn into months and years and decades. We learn and grow and fall down and get back up. It’s a constant mix of joy and suffering. I wouldn’t want it to be any different.
Life is bittersweet…….cuz I said so.