Made to order

Life is a funny thing. we come into it so small and helpless, at the whim of those whose spawn we are. We grow and grow and learn every day. Some days we learn good stuff like how to keep the creamed peaches IN our mouths, and some days we learn bad things like how to make our little brother cry by hitting him with an ice cream scoop on the ear. Good, bad….its all learning. Its all important too. If we never learned the bad stuff, we couldn’t understand the good stuff and vice versa. Flashback to my post on balance. We need to have it.

Sometimes, as are going along this learning path of life, we learn things that we quite literally forget. Sometimes the things are small…like the fact that candy corn is sick every time we eat it, every year after year…..(Louis Black). And sometimes it is bigger things like the pain of child birth (blessing!) or the danger of dating someone that comes from a completely different background and value system than yourself.  It could be that we are ‘caught up in the moment’ and that causes us to forget what really like and what we really want. I’m not sure. Sometimes it is the packaging….oooo, shiney! Handsome! Colorful! maybe…..Or maybe the reason we forget is not that we forget at all but that we purposely choose what is bad for us. Why in the world would someone do that, you may ask. I may answer… a self defense mechanism. What? Yes, self defense. This might not work with the candy corn example, but bear with me on the dating example. Say you are single and you meet a wonderful man that you instantly fall head over heels in love with. The kind of love that makes the thought of being apart from  him to cause you physical pain. The kind of love that is so intense and so ‘right’ that you know from pretty early on this person is the one for you. No fears, no doubts, no wandering eyes. It all clicks.  You get married, have a quiver of children, and life is grand. Then one day, your dear sweetheart dies. Bam! That wasn’t exactly what was planned in the beginning. No, there was a lot more of the story left to act out. Old age, traveling, owning a used book store together, grand children, etc etc etc….. Suddenly you are left alone with the quiver of children and an interrupted script and you don’t have a clue where or what to do. But you push on. You keep on living each day and writing a new script as you go to keep things working. Those kids have to be taken care of, you do have to eat, bills have to be paid…..and then….after a time, your heart starts to feel a little more stable and you start to realize you are okay but that you are dreadfully lonely. Lonely for that other half that used to talk to you and listen to you and help you make decisions. That person you could count on to be there for you, support you, take the blame for all the stuff you hated, and love you for all your stupid faults.  So, you start dating. You set your standards high….not picky, just someone that reminds you of the half you lost. After a while you find someone that fills that hole a bit. But, the problem is, you don’t fill their hole. It isn’t a good fit. So they move on and you close up. Someone close didn’t work, so you try someone different. someone completely different. you know it is a risk even when you start out, but it is so refreshing to see a whole different world you had not seen before! It’s exciting! And the best part? You totally fill HIS hole. he adores you and loves you and wants you from the beginning. But this time…..he just doesn’t fill your hole. He just doesn’t fit. You try and try and push and shove, but that square peg just won’t go into that round hole. In the process you end up chipping off parts of the square and damaging it so it isn’t a true square anymore….and you also damage your hole. That perfect circle has some sharp cuts in it where the peg tried to get in. You both tried so hard. Wanted it so bad. But….it just didn’t work. So what do you do? You love that square peg… really do, but you know in your heart that if you keep on trying to push it into your round hole….both of you are going to be damaged beyond repair. You’ve learned something else. You’ve remembered something. Its all coming back to you….and you know what? You’re going to be lonely again for a while. And that’s okay. It really is. Take some time to sand down those edges….make your hole smooth and ready again. Polish it up a bit and keep it ready. You’ll find the one that fits, someday. In the mean time, make your list. Remember what you have learned and who you really think will fit in your hole. Be specific! Write it down, like a made to order piece of furniture. Measure twice!  And then take a deep breath, open your eyes and let the wonderful world around you work it’s serendipity. It’a all gonna be okay.

“With every goodbye, we learn.”

Cause I said so………

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