Although I have only known him about two weeks, my heart feels taken by him. He is in my every thought throughout every hour of the day. When he is not with me, I feel empty and alone. When he is with me I feel complete and safe. Why am I so smitten by him? Is it his sweet smile? His cool clear blue eyes? Or is it the way he looks at me with such fondness and tenderness? I can feel his feelings for me when he is near, but ache with the possibility of loss whenever he goes away. My heart thrills when I hear him call me cutie on the phone and all my apprehensive fears melt away. He says he wants us to be sure. To date others for a while before we commit, but my heart is already commited. I have no interest in anyone else! I only want to be with him.
I didn’t think I would fall this soon. I thought I would be alone a long time. But a sense of urgency came over me a few weeks. I know Brad wanted me to move on, to not be alone. He was very clear on the matter. I felt the time was right and I reached out to the world. He wasn’t the only answering call I received. There were others. Others that were more aggressive and seemingly more interested, but they weren’t him. Something happened when we were together that first night. We clicked. We fit. Like two pieces of the same puzzle. Who can explain it?
Now I sit at home while he is out with another. Making sure. My heart is on the verge of breaking. I am so very vulnerable. One word could dash my heart to pieces. He says he wants me. Wants what we have. What we feel together. But what it,….what if….she is something more than I am. What if she fills his need more than I do? What if he changes his mind? How can I care so much after only two weeks? I try to be hard. To be strong. To let him be and go on and not worry. Wait for his call. Don’t think about it. But my heart thinks about him. My heart worries….it has hurt so much, not so long ago, and doesn’t want to hurt again.
Is it worth the pain of not knowing, the passion of possible heart break to fall in love? To feel that euphoric high, that weightless float of love that fills your senses and makes you feel alive….only to crash to the ground?
I say it is. Without heartbreak, we could not feel love. We could not truly understand love without the pain that unavoidably goes with it. Every agonizing moment of impatient waiting on him…..every doubt that crosses my mind, every second that I wonder and wonder and hope and pray….when he calls and says he is still mine….it is all worth it. Every tear is worth it.