Our house in Florida was epic. Brad knew it was the house for us when he turned onto the street with the realtor. The street was covered with trees stretching over the pavement to entangle their branches with each other. There was shade everywhere. In our backyard alone, there were over 200 trees of various species, ages, and heights. Once, we had an arborist over to look at the trees and he said some of them had been there since the days of Columbus. For people from the desert of Arizona, this was truly a miraculous and mysterious place.

When we moved to Florida, we were given advice from different people, as expected. More than one person warned us about the humidity and rain. A few mentioned the hurricanes. One friend was very specific on always taking sunscreen everywhere and checking any and all bodies of water, regardless of size, for gators. Not one of them mentioned the raccoons.

Growing up, raccoons were cute and mischievous creatures from cartoons. They sported cute little eye masks to identify themselves as petty thieves. They were something far removed from the normal world we lived in. I always assumed they were fluent in sarcasm and would make an excellent pet.

We saw all kinds of wildlife in Florida. Mosquitoes are the state bird according to residents. Roaches flourished, causing people to avoid keeping cardboard as that is a known breeding ground for the critters. It was not uncommon to find frogs and snakes in the yard, and lizards were everywhere. We felt like we had moved to a deep and exotic rainforest and we loved it!

The back of our house had a large screened in porch with a swing. This was truly one of my absolute favorite parts of the house

And I spent many hours on that swing. Our house had two sets of French doors that opened onto the porch. These allowed us to be in our living/family room and see a good portion of the back yard. One night, As we were hanging out in there, I noticed a tiny hand pressed against the door window from the outside. It definitely caught my eye, as it looked like a tiny human pressing its hand there. When I took a closer look, I realized it was a raccoon. I was smitten! It was obviously coming forth to beckon to me and to ask to be part of our family. We already had our cats I believe, so what was one more friend in the mix? I remember starting to get up to go get a snack for my new bestie. Brad asked what I was doing and I told him.

Not often did Brad give me a flat out no. This was one of those times. He told me I could not feed the cute human handed raccoon of my dreams. I was a bit hurt. I had been chosen! How could I deny this obvious act of fate?

He explained that raccoons were not nice and that once you fed one, it would bring its family and move in. I’m sure my face lit up at the thought of a whole snuggly family of raccoons, so he persisted in his refusal to let me feed it. I remember sighing and touching my hand to the inside of the window to ‘connect’ to my denied friend.

The raccoon didn’t stay long. It gave me a longing look and in my mind, trudged away in rejected sorrow. I was a bit ‘put off’ with the whole thing.

A time later…days or weeks…I’m not sure which. I was dropping something off at a friend’s house across town and noticed something moving on the side of a house on her street. I slowed down to check it out and was surprised at what I saw. There was trash everywhere. Three or four metal trash and had been dumped. What can only be described as a raccoon rave seemed to be going on. The creatures I had always thought of as sweet and friendly had all but destroyed the backyard at this house. The raccoon gangsters were running around in a frenzy, dumping, throwing, eating, and I’m pretty sure listening to raccoon rap in their tiny raccoon earbuds.

I thought back to that tiny sweet hand on my window and felt a shudder at what might have been. In this case, the ‘one that got away’ was a complete bullet dodge! I imagined the damage this deranged gang could have caused in my glorious yard and thanked the heavens for the wisdom of my husband.

I still think raccoons are cool and very clever, but I’ve decided we are just two different to be together. It’s not me, it’s them.

Cause I said so.