Do you ever get on of those nagging thoughts that just won’t go away? Maybe it’s a problem you can’t figure out. Or maybe its worrying about someone you care about. Maybe it’s wondering how you got to this strange life you live. It plagues you at night…interrupting dreams of River Dance with Brandon Fraser, or reruns of New Girl. It’s annoying.
I’ve never had that. You all are weird.
Seriously. I have had a tickle of a thought the last few weeks. It’s been something that pulls at my heart strings a bit. I don’t have an answer (surprise) but I feel the need to ask the question.
As you may or may not know, I have lived all across the Southern United States. Being in Aerospace, we moved around quite a bit. I’ve met some wonderful people all across this beautiful land. I’m not great at keeping in touch with people, but I do check up with them on FB. Before that….yeah, I sucked. It is neat to be able to peek in on people I used to see at the school or church regularly, without having to pick up the phone and make awkward calls. I hate talking on the phone.
So, lately (three years or so) I’ve noticed that several of the women I’ve know from the various states, have gotten divorced and left the church. I look at these women and I see them as I knew them. They were my visiting teaching companions, my kids primary teachers, scout leaders, etc. They were, in my eyes, spiritual giants. I looked up to these women because they knew stuff. They understood it. They would bear their testimonies and I could feel it. I admit, I leaned on them a bit when I was weak. What happened?
I know that several of them had awesome husbands that ended up cheating on them. Sometimes with other awesome women I looked up to. How does it happen? How does a person go from being rock solid in the gospel, to leaving it all behind and living another life?
I look at their beautiful pictures of strapless evening gowns, new weddings, strategic tattoos….and I wonder if they ever wake up in the middle of the night and ask themselves where they are. How did they get to this strange life they are living?
There are a lot of single people out there. They all have their reasons for being where they are. The choices we make are ours. No matter what choice anyone else makes, we are still accountable for ours. I’m not judging anyone here. My heart hurts for these beautiful women. Sure, my husband died, and that was hard. It is still hard. But I couldn’t do it without my testimony and the gospel in my life. Maybe I’m weak? Maybe I need that rock to build on. Maybe, it takes strength to hold on to it.
Cause I said so.
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CuzIsaidSo Weblog 
I’m with you, Sista! I NEED my faith. If I don’t have my faith, then where is Gary and our children who died before birth, and my mom and dad??? And why should I stick around? I can, because in those desperate times when I can only cry out Jesus, I FEEL the Peace. It is a knowing, not a belief.
I understand your question. I’ve seen similar situations. I’m glad I have the Gospel in my life. When all else fails, I have that rock upon which to stand. It’s a good thing you have your own testimony-standing on someone else’s is shaky ground. At least when I have those nighttime nigglings, I am secure where I am. Often, I find that when I can’t see reason and my heart is broken, my vision is washed much clearer through tears, and when the tears are spent, my heart, too is rinsed clean and the healing is already begun. You are one that I look up to.