Do you ever have such vivid dreams that when you wake up you wonder why you are alone….where they went…and how your life could possibly not be the way it was in your dream?
I spent a lot of time yesterday clearing cobwebs. My house had gotten to the ‘out of control’ stage that I can’t stand. It is hard being a single working mom. Especially since my job as a teacher is rarely over when the school day is over. I try to do all my ‘extra’ work before I come home from school, but that means I sometimes don’t get home til six. That may seem like a normal day to the working world, but to my family it is really late. I am understanding more and more what it feels like to be a husband. lol Work all day, pay all the bills, worry about the kids, and hope mom is doing everything she can to keep the family running. Oh wait, I’m mom too. Drat. It is a bit overwhelming at times.
After spending the morning (and part of the afternoon) cleaning house, I sat down with my daughter for a late snack with the baby. I mentioned how much nicer it was when things are clean and she responded with, “it feels quieter too.” Clutter makes noise. It may or may not be a Feng Shui principle, but it is true. Clutter really does make noise. All those things that are out of place are always screaming and whining and complaining because they want to be put away. You know it’s true. By the time I was through, there was only a small group of complainers by the back door, waiting for the assigned child to put them in storage. I think part of their whining might have been the fear that they were being donated….which some are…..
Clutter in the house is like clutter in the brain. Thoughts and desires and unfinished business wander around our minds begging for attention and for closure or at least acknowledgement. It can get so loud a person (like me) can’t think straight. It’s like my class the first few weeks of school. When it was time to line up for lunch they wandered all over the classroom doing …. heaven knows what, before they finally lined up in a jumbled mess and tried to get out the door. I changed that by timing them. Now they are much more efficient. They grab their stuff and get in a straight line. They know they will stand there, the time ticking away, until they are straight and quiet. They get no reward other than a lower number written on the board under ‘line speed.’ I wish that worked in my brain.
I can try and try to get my thoughts and worries and unfinished business to line up in a quiet, straight line so I can work through them, but it just doesn’t work as well. Making a list helps, but sometimes it can shut me down even more. Women like lists. We get out a nice piece of paper to make a list and feel like we have to fill the entire paper. Men will jot three things down in the back of a receipt and call it good. I envy them…
My brain does feel a bit quieter these days. Maybe it is because I cleared a bunch of crap out of my bedroom. Maybe it is because I use essential oils (focus) on the back of my neck. Maybe it is because I am getting more sleep (bully!). Maybe it is because I have actually started listening to a few of the voices in my head that have been yelling at me for a while. I don’t always like what they say, but they need to say it just the same. It can be scary to listen to the voices, the thoughts, the fears….the dogs that have been barking at the locked doors in your mind, but I’m trying. As long as they come single file, one after the other, and no talking in the hall…I’ll listen to them one by one…..cause I said so.
Photo credit: http://www.terencebymes.com