I am a pretty easygoing person. I don’t usually get mad. I figured out years ago that getting mad is a choice and one I would rather not make. What usually causes us to decide to get mad is frustration of some kind. If we look around, figure out what is frustrating us and look at it for what it really is….the desire to get mad usually subsides and we move on. At least that is how it works for me. It is especially true with family members. They may irritate me or frustrate me, but I’m never ‘mad’ at them. I love them all too much. Even that one relative…..
Today, I think my frustration level is pushing itself to its limit. I’ve stepped back and tried to look at what is causing it and see it in another light, but it is hard. The person that is irritating me is not someone I actually know. It is someone I must ‘deal with’ at school. I’ve never met her in person, don’t know what she looks like, and know nothing about her life. I have a very limited picture of her that basically revolves around our infrequent interactions. Is it fair to be mad at someone that I don’t even know? Maybe she is battling cancer or a really bad hangnail on her big toe. Maybe she just gave birth to sextuplets and her husband is a truck driver currently driving through Moffat, Colorado. Maybe she lost the use of both hands in a freak cream of mushroom incident this weekend and that is why she cannot answer my emails. I just don’t have enough information to decide if I’m allowed to get mad at her.
I’m sure the real root of my frustration is the thought that I may not be done with school after all. I was ‘done’ weeks ago. Got everything in, checked all the boxes, wrote all the papers, dotted all my i’s….I was done. I even had a week long celebration that included several live shows and gelato (yes, it hurt later). D O N E
Until today. One little email with a list of ‘redo’ items can take an otherwise happy day of lounging around in my pj’s to a whole new level of ‘I want to scratch someone’s eyes out’ frustration. I’m trying to calm myself and look at things objectively. What can I learn from this? This is obviously the pit in my peach of a week….and the pit is supposed to be the source of life, growth, new birth…etc. So, what can I learn from this? Well, I was done early for once…maybe I should go back to my procrastination ways? I was helping others with their projects….maybe I should not be helpful? I was telling everyone I was done with school….maybe I should be more secretive? I’m scrambling for answers here.
In the meantime, I have contacted the officials, aka my teachers supervisor, with my concerns. I’m not sure if it was the eloquent tone I used when presenting my concerns or the fact that I cried on the phone that got her attention. Whatever it was, the situation is under review. Now you know, I am not above begging, groveling, and tattling to get what I want, I mean…need. This girl needs to be done with school!! I put in my time, did no crime, and don’t know another ime word that rhymes. Oh wait….
While I wait for a call back from the big boss…I think I’ll surf the web. I wonder what school I should go to for my Masters……..cause I said so.
Photo credit: http://www.mwomercs.com
One thought on “push my button”
Oh for shit’s sake.