You know, working the corner has given me some time to really think. I am standing by myself for several minutes at a time and instead of focusing on the ‘looks’ I get from the cars speeding by with kids out of their seat-belts in the FRONT SEAT, I take the time to reflect on myself and my life. I also went to my head doctor yesterday and had some new thoughts seeded into my brain. She is pretty great. She says I am really too well grounded to need a head doctor but she likes talking to me. Do they all say that? hmmm
I am learning a lot about boundaries. Not the kind in geography that separate countries or counties or other such ‘land’ things, these are boundaries we have in our lives that are mostly in our head. I am learning how important it is to have boundaries and to have them be boundaries WE set for ourselves and not ones someone ELSE sets FOR us. The point is, when someone else makes our boundaries, they aren’t really ours. They belong to someone else. And that makes them more of a prison wall or one of those metal doors with the little tiny peep door in it where they yell or throw crusty bread at you as you lay on the floor playing with the rats. Not fun. I prefer mice.
As a parent, I think many of us tend to let others imprison us in their ‘boundaries’ because we are trying to care for our children, keep our spouses happy, keep the peace….look like a super woman, etc. Over the years I have found myself saying yes to many things I really didn’t want to do, simply because I ‘thought’ it would help someone else. Forget the fact that it was hurting me, I wasn’t as important as the other person I was ‘helping.’
The problem with that way of thinking, I’m learning, is that by going down that road you are actually hurting two people. You are hurting yourself because you are not happy and most likely harboring up a bit or resentment towards the other person. You are also hurting the other person because you aren’t showing them the real you, reality, limits, etc. People, children, even men (yes I know I didn’t include them in people) need to have limits. We all need to know how far we can swim. How close we are to the edge. How much money is left in the bank. How many times we can kick the dog before it bites us. Okay, maybe don’t kick the dog at all. But the point is, we all need limits to give our mind a resting place. A safe place to say, enough. We all need those boundaries.
I haven’t been true to my boundaries lately. I’ve let others decide what kind of person I should be. What I should be saying, thinking, doing, etc. And guess what? I’m not happy. I’m not me. I have felt something welling up inside me, not knowing what it was, and being afraid of it. I figured out what it was yesterday, and this morning as I worked the corner. It’s ME.
I am a normal, imperfect mom that has a semi clean house. I don’t pick up my laundry. I don’t clean my oven and I don’t mop.
I like being sarcastic. I like writing things on my blog that some people might not like.
I like talking to all kinds of people. Married, single, straight, curvy, black, white, brown, purple, tattooed, prude, crazy, shy, angry, shy,…….I love people. I love the stories they share with me. I’ll pick my friends.
I like leaving random comic strips on teachers desks and bribing my boss with Godiva chocolates.
I don’t want anyone telling me what I can and cannot do. Those are MY boundaries to set. I’ll decide what I share and what I keep private. I’ll decide if I do homework or go sing karaoke with a bunch of old friends.
It’s up to me. Cause I said so.
Photo credit: http://www.wefulness.com
One thought on “Wax on”
yeah. finally you figured it out. I hope you keep up that momentum.