death by brownies



My doctor thinks I need to have a ‘procedure.’ I don’t like her tone. I think I am fine. Well, except for the extremely bad pain I get in my side every now and then. It isn’t a big deal, really, unless I want to actually move. I tend to forget about the pain when it isn’t there…kind of like how women forget how horribly painful child birth is until they are pregnant…again. When the pain is there, I want to run to the doctor to make her fix me, but when it doesn’t hurt I think doctors are idiots.

I have had this pain, off and on, for the last five years or so. I finally broke down and went to the doctor again last week to see if she could figure out any thing. What the doctor said was that since I had been suffering with this pain for the last five years and I hadn’t died yet, it probably wasn’t a big deal. Huh. I’m not really sure how to feel about that diagnosis. I guess I couldn’t really have claimed to had died in the last five years, so I guess she had a point. Regardless, just because I have ‘survived’ with the pain, doesn’t mean I want to continue to ‘survive’ with it. I’d rather do something crazy like….find out what the heck is causing the pain and make it stop. I know, I have crazy ideas.

The option the doc had for me was a ‘procedure’ that killed the guy in GhostTown for a few seconds, or a CAT scan. I told her I’d have to think about it. I’m not really interested in a stranger with a degree touching my innards, unless she could guarantee in writing I would end up with some sort of super power when she was finished. (and that my muffin top disappeared) She said she wasn’t going to make any promises in writing whatsoever. We were at a stale mate.

I decided to come home and modify my diet. I removed all dairy and sugar….for at least 10 hours. I felt a bit of a difference…until the sugar cravings drove me to the last brownie in the pan. It was more of a charity eating really, the brownie was all lonely and you know its a fact they dry out faster when they are alone. Nobody likes a dry brownie.

Getting old sucks. The doctor says the problem is probably just increased communication between my brain and my gut. Yes, she really said that. It’s something that happens with age. Well, if that isn’t the best news this decade. Get old! Get grey hair, aches and pains, and added communication that makes you want to kick your foot through a brick wall every time you eat things you like.

I don’t know…I think we are getting a bum deal. We work hard our whole life, eat right, exercise, and our reward is to get older and be in pain. Of course, maybe if I actually tried the eating right, exercising plan…..nah, that wouldn’t work. Cause I said so.


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One thought on “death by brownies

  1. I like the way you think. You’re the kind sort of person who knows how badly brownies feel when left to themselves to wither away and die a crusty death.
    You’re too good!

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