Snot funny

 

My kids have always been pretty healthy. I haven’t had major illnesses to deal with or frequent doctor trips. I think the Lord knows what I can handle and I really don’t do well with sickness.

I was a bit nervous when I started working at the elementary school. I know those places are just giant cesspools of hibernating plagues. I was lured in by my school’s ‘brand-spanking-new’ façade for the first few weeks. I blissfully went through my days without noticing the mounds of germs that were creeping into my every pore.

One day, as I was corralling the herds of kindergarteners running through the gym, I grabbed a (super cute) little guy and told him he needed to slow down. He took it in stride and ran off. Two seconds later he was back, wrapping his arms around me, telling me, “You saved the day!!” Ah, what a cutie, I thought as I patted his back and attempted to pry him off of me. That’s when I noticed it. Every opening on his face was oozing some sort of fluid or slime. The war had begun.

After that, I started seeing more and more attacks against my immune system. They came sneakily sometimes. I would hug a first grader at the gate and then hear them tell me how, “I threw up green yesterday!” or how their throat hurt cuz, “I have strep!” sigh…I needed more troops.

When we lived in Florida, my two little boys had the same Kindergarten teacher. Mrs. Mustard was a wonder. She was an angel straight from heaven. The kids, parents, administrator, strangers on the street, all loved her. She just oozed grandmotherly love for everyone. Whenever I went into her classroom, she would stop the class and say, “Who’s beautiful mom is that?!” Seriously, who wouldn’t love the woman? I cried when we graduated kindergarten.

Mrs. Mustard never missed a day of school. She taught for twenty five years last I counted. I asked her what her secret was. “Listerine, every single morning.”  These are the words that came into my mind as I watched Andrew’s juices soak into my sleeve that fateful day at recess. Listerine. I was going to need a lot.

I’ve tried to add the big L to my morning routine, but some days I forget. Some days, I’m lucky I remembered my shoes by the time I get to school. It’s a good thing I live a whole 30 seconds away from the school.

I’ve been holding the enemy at bay for over nine weeks. I thought I was doing good until something unexpected happened. It’s what one might call a sneak attack. I never even saw it coming. I’ve been attacked from within. My two youngest boys have gone to the dark side. They brought the plague home with them.

I guess I have no choice. I’m going to have to bathe them with Listerine. Or move out…..cause I said so.

 

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