Illusions of Grandeur


When I was a kid I didn’t have one thing I wanted to be when I grew up. I didn’t see any reason to limit myself to only one dream so I had many. When I watched Indian Jones, I dreamt of becoming an archaeologist (minus the spiders). When I watched Quincie (yes, dating myself) I dreamt of becoming a “guy that studies dead people”, when I read Island of the Blue Dolphins, I dreamt of ending up on a distant island. I was flexible.

My mother didn’t help me much. She always told me I could be whatever I wanted to be, and I believed her. She never said I had to pick one thing, so I didn’t. There really wasn’t any problem with this way of thinking….until now.

When I graduated high school, I went straight into community college. I was going to be a psychologist. That ‘dream’ quickly, and frequently changed as the next few years went by. As a result, I became a mom with a lot of random college courses under her belt. (and you thought it was baby fat….)

Time has gone on, as it tends to do, and the future is here. Twenty years later and I am once again trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Over these years, I have noticed certain strengths and levels of enjoyment in the things I have done. I love to create, be with people, teach, and be in charge of things. (I also love to write, but I can do that no matter what I choose.) When I put those all together, becoming a teacher seems to be a good fit.

I’m now in the process of finishing my degree and I am having a battle with time. It is not a fun thing to look at your life and realize….there may be more behind you than in front of you. I’m not THAT old, but there are times and seasons that are optimal to some events. Starting out on a new career three years from my current age seems a bit daunting at times. It is hard for me to be able to swallow the fact that I may have two to three more years of school ahead of me before I can be a grown up with a grown up job. Is it worth it? Will it work?

My mom answered my questions with another question of her own. If it takes me four years to get where I want to with my teaching degree…..what would I be doing in four years if I didn’t get it? My quick answer was, “working at Burger King.” That’s actually a night mare I have, but she made a good point. Some times it is better to take a chance and jump in with both feet instead of sitting on the edge, waiting for the water to become shallow. At least, I’ll be heading somewhere, and that’s when the best serendipity happens. On the road….cause I said so.



Photo credit:,r:18,s:0,i:131

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