I wore yellow today

 

I don’t usually wear yellow. I was told years ago, by a ‘color professional’ that I was a winter and therefore should never wear yellow. Here I am, thirty years later, just living crazy! I really don’t look that great in most yellows, the one I wore today being no exemption, but I had a yellow shirt and it was clean so I wore it.  I have found that during the last few years, I have gravitated towards wearing black almost every single day. It has gotten so bad that when I try to put on a different color shirt, I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. I feel like my eyes have disappeared or my hair is the wrong color or I have a “bald face” (see John Cusack, Journey of Nati Gan). After scrunching up my face and putting on as much mascara as my tiny lower lashes can handle, I finally try a black shirt and all is once again well in the world. I’ll admit it. I am a creature of habit and I don’t embrace change very well.

You’d think someone who describes themself that way would have one or two life long friends that they talk to now and then. Oh contrare, it is not so with me. I have lots of friends, but not really anyone that I can call and verbally vomit all over. I blame myself. I was best friends with my husband for twenty years and just pushed everyone else in my life to the sidelines. It was a good thing, but even when he was alive I found myself wishing I had that BFF that I could spill my guts to, and then go for midnight ice cream with afterwards. Someone that would hear all my complaints about Brad and other issues in my life (kids) who would still love me and not think I was a complete moron.

How does one go about finding a friend like that? I had super great friends in High school, but when we graduated it seemed we spread to the ends of the world and didn’t really keep in touch. True, that was back in the dark ages when we would have had to correspond via pony express, but it’s sad we didn’t try harder.  I’ve always kind of prided myself on being an “in the moment” kind of person. I don’t dwell on the past or stress too much about the future. I live in the future and I deal with it. Although that may be a good way to be in some circumstances, it isn’t very condusive to keeping long term-long distance relationships alive and kicking.

I do have a good friend that I feel I can talk to, but she lives in California and didn’t answer when I called earlier. Actually, that isn’t totally true. I tried to call her with my phone’s voice dial and ‘siri’ decided she didn’t want to help me. I got frustrated and ended up talking myself out of calling her up in the middle of the night to verbally vomit all over her. She is probably feeling bittersweet about that decision if she is reading this. We should talk more.

I guess I’m in a whiny mood. All the people I talk to the best are either old ex boyfriends or males. I’m not really ‘allowed’ to talk to them because I’m engaged…and I guess I understand that. I think the reason I feel most comfortable talking to the male species is because it reminds me of talking to Brad. He wasn’t the greatest listener, but he is what I am/was used to. I do miss him…with all his faults and annoying features, he was my bff for a long time. It sucks that I don’t even have the option of calling him up in the middle of the night to vomit….he always said I looked cute hunched over the toilet. Cause I said so.

Photo credit: http://www.google.com/imgres?q=pictures+of+chalk+outlines&hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=aRb&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1685&bih=846&tbm=isch&tbnid=DVIaFUvvOCdljM:&imgrefurl=http://www.staceyreid.com/news/%3Fp%3D5333&docid=YGFPAMvXTJCpJM&imgurl=http://www.staceyreid.com/news/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/chalk_outline.jpg&w=383&h=313&ei=MlCnT4LfLabXiAKmg4jMAg&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=1104&vpy=156&dur=3130&hovh=203&hovw=248&tx=152&ty=103&sig=113984122180083014531&page=1&tbnh=156&tbnw=186&start=0&ndsp=31&ved=1t:429,r:5,s:0,i:82

3 thoughts on “I wore yellow today

  1. i have only one friend at my old age that i can vomit with, as you say. i feel lucky to have her. it is so hard to make great friendships. we know a lot of people, but when it comes to pouring out your soul, there is maybe only one

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