kinderwaddle

testing

This wedek was fun. I had the supreme opportunity to test kindergarten students in math an reading. If you have never had this amazing priviledge, you really have not lived. I’m not exactly sure where the word ‘kindergarten’ comes from, and I’m to lazy to look, but I’m thinking it has something to do with the virtual ‘garden’ of different personalities, abilities, and talents of children this age. They are an absolute delight. Well, until they sneeze on your or wipe something foreign on your new favorite skirt. But I digress….

Testing Kinder takes a certain kind of mentality. You can’t really go into it very serious. The test is spelled out as to what the test giver says, but the kinders never seem to have gotten the memo about what they are supposed to say. The following are some actual answers to questions I gave this week, in no apparent order.

Q: Dan was a tall man. His sister Emily wanted an apple she couldn’t reach so Dan got it for her. What did Dan look like?

A: He had on a white shirt, red pants and brown shoes. He had yellow hair and blue eyes.

Q: An adventure is an experience that is new and exciting, like taking a boat down a river or going hiking in the woods for the first time. Use the word Adventure in a sentence.

A: I’m going on a adventure to do mushrooms.

(I had to ask another question here…..)

Q: You are going to do mushrooms?

A: Oh! I mean Marshmallows! (giggles……)

Q: This word is GOOD. Which of these words, boy, bad, mean, cry….are the opposite of Good?

A: Puppy

The student I loved/hated testing the most was very consistent in his answers. For every question on the reading test, he gave the confident answer of ROPE. I’m not exactly sure why he was so obsessed with ROPE, but at least he was consistent. I think he has a very bright future ahead of him. I mean, if you are consistent….that’s really all you need.

Next week we get to do more testing. I think I speak for everyone when I say we truly love testing the kids. It is right up there with waxing my brows or scrapping bunions off my big toe. Nothing compares. I’ll try and keep a notepad handy so I can record some more gems for you all. Until then, if you want to recapture your youth, start saying random things. I’m pretty sure someone with recognize the child in you and send you to time out…If you are lucky….cause I said so.

Photo credit: Google.com

simply irretreevabull

100510_helpus

Another semester has come and gone. This was my hardest one yet. Somewhere deep down inside, I am either a masochist or a complete loon. I set out to pass 13 credits in 8 weeks. I’ve done 12, so….what’s one more? They told me it was too much but, heck, not for me!

It was too much. I am so burned out I see sun spots when I blink. I survived, but only by the skin of my teeth. (that really sounds sick actually) I didn’t do everything, and I didn’t do great, but I did what I could and I got out of there!

I actually really enjoy school, up to a point. I like socializing, learning, getting positive feedback…..all the good stuff. What I hate is deadlines that come WAY to fast, papers that are on stupid topics (example…let’s write the same paper from three different angles…can you say ‘busy work?’), and not having enough time in the day to get everything done and pee. I swear my kids don’t remember I even live here at this point.

The good news is, I can’t do any more at this point. The semester is locked up and done. And, my next class doesn’t start til Monday morning. Of course, my new teachers are so eager beaver ready to teach me stuff they have already contacted me and given me the super ‘honor’ of starting early. Um….no thanks teacher…I’m gonna enjoy my last few hours of freedom and party up by sleeping! Cause I said so.

photo found at: http://simplyleonardodicaprio.com/news/internet/leonardo-dicaprio-the-gangs-of-ginza-2

hot cross buns

rpsImg

 

I really hate it when I work at something, diligently, and then have it end up being way harder than I planned.

I have worked hard at school. I mean, I’m not like my mom….or Sheldon Cooper….when it comes to being OCD. (love you both) but, I do carry my weight pretty well. I get good grades in school and all that. I’m perfectly happy with my average ‘A’ grade. A ‘B’ grade doesn’t send me into fits of hysteria.

That being said, I don’t like it when I, an above caveman type person, is forced to deal with situations that make me feel like an idiot. If you haven’t guessed it yet, yes, I’m talking about the government. Who in the world decided we had to fill out and file fifteen forms to do anything from name our goldfish to buy a small island off Texas? Today I was personally responsible for the death of twelve paper-making trees in the rainforest. I needed copies, doubles, triples, etc of everything I did. That is of course after the copier ATE my originals and I had to BUY more. Yeah, our government has quite the scam going. It isn’t all the conspiracy theories and aliens among us and all that stuff, no, it’s driving us all insane with paperwork.

I love paper, as a craft item, or in books, but when it comes to filling out forms….I’d rather have ringworm on my nose. Okay, maybe not REALLY, but…I hate paperwork. When I was a naive teenager, I loved filling out forms and looking all important like….but that all changed when I became responsible for what I was filling out.

I am not sure how they do it, but the ‘paperwork creative fairies …or demons…” have figured out how to make even the smartest person on the planet feel like a one armed ape in a pool of honey when they are filling out a form. Insurance forms, doctors office forms, school enrollment forms, divorce papers…they are all written in that special idiot causing font. I hate them all.

The next time someone tells me to fill out a form, I am going to come back with an incredibly witty response that will render them so impressed and stunned…they will offer to not only fill out the forms FOR me, but they will give me a lollipop and foot rub when they are done. I don’t know what that witty response is, but mark my words…I’ll be lying awake til at least ten pm tonight thinking of it! Cause I said so.

 

Photo credit: www.rewardscentral.com.au

 

Tough Nuggies

bratty-child

 

 

Working at an elementary school is a lot like working at a circus. There is a lot of laughing, shouting, running around, and game playing. Once you get outside,it gets even more entertaining.

I love working here. The kids tell me regularly that I am their favorite aide. I wonder why that is? I make them follow the rules, I don’t pick up their garbage, I let them beat me at tetherball, and I kick the ball far so they have to run to get it. Maybe it is the motherly aura that lingers from my own home. I’ve been a mom a long time. My kids would admit to it being as long as they can remember. I guess that is right, although I don’t feel old enough to be a mother to some of them.

I think learning should be fun. I try to make some fun in every lesson I teach, when I’m on the playground, in the lunchroom, and even at the gate when I work the ‘bouncer’ position. My son informed me last night that you can’t learn when you are having fun because ‘learning’ takes ‘effort’ in the brain area and that is hard and not fun, and blah blah blah. I stopped listening because he wasn’t making it funny. He is a smart guy though, so I did ponder it for a few moments before I found chocolate in my bag.

Does learning have to take effort? I beg to differ with my brilliant son. I can remember many times when I thought I was playing a game, or having fun and later realized I learned something. Of course, I can’t remember any of the specifics right NOW, but I promise it happened.

The key to making learning fun is to not make kids cry during the game you are playing. Or is it? Maybe the little girl I made cry today will learn not to be such a bit drama queen and play nice next time. Or maybe, I’ll learn that even when I call someone ‘bratty’ under my breath….they might hear it and cry. Maybe the real lesson here is that I need to eat a whole lot more chocolate on the first day of my cycle before stepping into a third grade class…..cause I said so.

 

Photo credit: http://www.goodenoughmother.com

shark repellant

e7f1_surrealist_melting_clock

 

 

There isn’t much a person can do to make amends when the person they have hurt cannot hear what they say. Heads can be beat against the wall in efforts to communicate, to help, to soften, to clarify…but it all comes to naught when ears cannot hear what they don’t want to hear.

It wasn’t you, it wasn’t me, it wasn’t him, it wasn’t her. Timing is everything. Timing can sweep you off your feet and take you where you didn’t know you wanted to go….and maybe, deep inside, knew you shouldn’t go. Timing can turn your heart cold or fire it up too hot. Timing can form regrets, ruin memories,cloud judgement and close minds.

Timing.

Sometimes I think my life is on a big clock, just rolling through space. Every now and then my clock rolls over someone else’s clock and our times match up for a minute. But then, the wind changes and we roll apart again. It’s a Salvador Dali kind of life that I see. As much as I may try to huff and puff my rolling clock next to one I think I’d like to roll with, my clock goes where it wants. All I can do is sit back and enjoy the ride and try to keep from melting off the back of some jungle animal.

Timing.

I don’t have control of the dial or alarm on my clock. I see it ticking by the minutes of my life at times and at other times spinning crazily out of control. When my piano fell on it’s face, my clock stopped for a minute and I watched the slow motion mothers’ curse of what could have happen slink before my mind eyes. It was a surreal moment.

Timing.

I will run out of time one day. We all will. Hopefully, I will have a moment to look back at the path I have traveled and make some sense of the ticks and tocks I have lived. Hopefully I will see a purpose and realize a dream and make a difference to someone somewhere. Hopefully, my sins will be forgiven, my mistakes erased, my good times remembered and my love cherished.

I’m not perfect, I never have been and probably never will be. I’m just trying to use my time the best I can. Its all any of us can do…cause I said so.

 

Photo credit: http://www.thinkgreek.com

 

 

Noit poet

Kite_flying

 

 

I am not a poet. I know it. I used to think I was a poet, back when I was in my naive teen years. I would write song lyrics and even some music at times. It was trite, cliche, and typically teen. I read it now and wonder who that person was that wrote it. And why I didn’t keep it up.

April is National Poetry month and I was challenged to put some unique like poetry on my blog so….I wrote this “poem” in honor of tomorrow. Some of you know what tomorrow is and what significance it has to me. Some of you don’t. Let’s just say…four years ago my life changed drastically. Unfortunately, it didn’t make me a better poet. Regardless, I am sharing this poem because I have no illusions that anyone cares enough to criticize it. Feel free to comment tho, it makes me feel like I am alive in the world.

Here it is…..

 

Four years

 

Four years can be a lifetime

Eyes bright open, seeing the wonder

Learning to live, to learn, to dream

Four years is a time to play.

 

Four years can be a lifetime

Friends, clubs, high school dances

What will you be, who will you know

Four years to find your way.

 

Four years can be a lifetime

Classes, crushes, running out of gas,

Walking for miles, living on loans,

Four years will do they say.

 

Four years can be a lifetime

Finding true love, moving out alone

Building a life, two become one

Four years never thinking to stray.

 

Four years can be a lifetime

Baby giggles, staying up late

Walking to everywhere, saving for more

Four years can make you pray

 

Four years can be a lifetime

Jobs, moves, learning to stretch

Learning to roll and to bend and to fold

Four years to count blessings, every day

 

Four years can be a lifetime

Leading, guiding, sharing the light

Hoping our sacrifice comes back to save

Four years can be a joyful foray

 

Four years can be a lifetime

Looking for answers to questions unasked

Feeling the void, the quiet, the still.

Wishing for just one year more

Four years can be too long to be brave.

 

By Beckie    Cause I said so.

 

Photo credit: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Kite_flying.jpg

 

Propa gandolf

drunk woman

 

I worry about people. Seriously, it keeps me awake some nights. Okay, maybe that is my Netflix addiction, but during the canned laughter I am worrying. All in all, people are very strange. It is amazing how our species has lasted this long. There are many different topics I could address on this theme, but the one I am thinking about today is singles ads.

I made the mistake of signing up for a certain single site that shall remain nameless (5 letters, starts with Z)  I signed up about a year ago, before I went ‘un-single’ and I can’t make it stop. Seriously, I have tried to get rid of the app for over ten months now and it won’t go away. It is like a ….something that won’t go away….and It won’t. Yes, I’m tired.

I tried calling the company and apple and iTunes and my IT contacts….and it won’t die.

I have to admit, I do look at the flirts I get now and then, but hear me out before you judge me. I don’t look at them to find someone, I look at them to brighten my day and add that certain air of mystery that can only come from looking at singles pictures.

Let’s just think about the whole process. You are single. You don’t want to be. You find a singles site and you build a profile. Age, city, non-smoker, job, nothing unusual here…..okay, time for the picture. I know, let’s get that awesome picture Uncle Eddy took of you when you were flat on your back in a pile of your own underwear, drunk off your butt. Yeah! That will have the women lining up at your profile, begging for a good time. Heck, they will start proposing to YOU! It’ll be a dream come true!

Not. I’m not kidding. Some of the pictures on the profiles I have seen lead me to question……what would a BAD picture look like? If this is you, looking GOOD? I’m terrified.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about a person being ‘ugly.’ I’m not that kind of person. No, I’m talking about pictures that show guys with their tongues hanging out and their eyes glassed over. Pictures so fuzzy, you wonder if the old woman holding the camera was actually having a stroke while she took the picture. Pictures that beg the questions….’is that a prison cot in the background?’

Guys, I’m no relationship expert, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and give some unsolicited advice. Do yourself a favor and shower, comb what hair you have left in some direction, put a fricken shirt ON, and get someone that hasn’t drunk an entire case of Bud to take a picture of you that makes you look like you have had a job at one point in your life and you aren’t on American’s most wanted top ten.

Maybe you will get a flirt back, maybe a phone number, and maybe, just maybe….you won’t be blocked from every female single in your state. Cause I said so.

 

Photo credit: Google And I wanted one that showed how truly awful some of the pictures I see are, but alas, they have locked them all onto the single sites. I can’t find any on google, but this woman was kind enough to pose for me. Imagine her as a man….fuzzier, hairier, and slouchier….there you go.

gift drifter

tech_socialgifting22__01__630x420

I’ve been thinking about gifts lately. It isn’t Christmas, and my birthday is still twenty six days away, so … take it as a hint if you want. I’ve been thinking about the gifts I’ve given and been given in the past.

My mother tells me I am a ‘master gift giver.’ If I am, I learned it from Brad. He wasn’t always the best at giving gifts, but he had the best philosophy. He believed in giving people something they never would have thought of, didn’t ‘need’, and would love. I think that is a wonderful way to take the pressure off gift giving. Too many times, we get caught up in trying to give the perfect, useful, ‘this will fix all the problems in the universe’ gift. It is too much pressure! Many times, when trying to give this perfect gift, we end up getting someone the one thing WE want them to have. Like, say….a lasagna pan we want them to make lasagna in…for us. Not cool.

Here is a list of the top ten gifts I have either given or received in no particular order. I am sure there are many more I could add, but honestly, it always surprises me if I remember anything at all!

1. My uncle Paul gave me a Christmas present one year, the only gift I ever remember getting from him. I was about….ten at the time, I think. It was a simple package of paper, pens, markers, a ruler, crayons….and stuff like that. I absolutely loved it. It might be because I usually ended up leaving my grandmother’s house with nothing but (awesome) homemade pajamas, but I think it was because that is something I totally loved and still love today. Paper, ink, art supplies….love it!

2. My mother gave me a really cool wooden box for art supplies when I was in third grade I think. My memory is fuzzy. I remember we lived in a trailer park in Winslow. I had seen the box on the counter and asked if I could have it. She said no, and seemed a bit miffed that I had asked. Apparently, she was planning to give it to me all along. I was always good at ruining my own surprises….

Jumping ahead many years to where my crazy thoughts take me,….

3. It is a sort of tradition that I give everyone in my immediate family pajamas for Christmas. We would let the kids open them on Christmas Eve. It was something they knew they were getting, but just opening that one present somehow made waiting til Christmas morning for the rest easier. Anyway, one year, I hit the local Kmart and got us all matching jammies. I wasn’t too sure on the sizes but I made my best guess. As the kids opened their gifts, there was stunned silence and then great peals of laughter as they held up the pants. I had gotten the hugest pants I have ever seen. My hubby was not a tiny guy, but his pants would have fit at least two of him. None of the boys were able to wear their jammies that year, but we all had a great laugh.

4. I bit my nails when I was little. I don’t think my index fingers went a week without bleeding for over two years. It was a bad habit I couldn’t seem to break. When I turned 12, my best friend gave me a tiny wicker basket with nail supplies in it. I took one look at those cotton balls, cuticle sticks, trimmers, and shiny polishes and the nail biting stopped. Ever since then, well, up until this semester, my nails have been pretty great. Thanks Renee!

5. Sometimes when I give a gift, even though it fits all the above mentioned requirements, it is still a little bit for me. One year, I gave my sisters pole dancing lessons for one of their birthdays. It was three tickets….one for each of us. Some of you may be surprised that a proper person such as myself did such a thing, but it was dang fun! Only one of us fell to the ground, and none of us got ‘pole burn.’ It was something I’d do again….in the safety of a small studio with only me and my sisters and very few mirrors….

6. My sister (the runt) is not much of a gift giver. I think she is practicing for the days when she is very wealthy. Wealthy people don’t spend their money on gifts….right? They seem to be able to coast through life on clouds of linen and bubbles. Anyway, she did give me a pretty amazing Christmas gift this year. She knitted me two adorable head bands and a custom made t-shirt. The shirt is covered on one side with bleached out cursive words. It looks very cool and trendy. The special part of the shirts is the thoughtfulness she put into her choice of words. It isn’t a cliche French poem or words from a rock ballad, no, it is ‘testicles’ in eight different languages. That is truly a gift from the heart.

7. I have been the ‘gift buyer’ for many a year at my house. I bought for the kids from me an Brad, I bought for the kids from the kids, and I sometimes even bought for myself from the kids. It was an amazing thing to get gifts from my girls this year. My oldest daughter actually bought me a Kindle. I was …..speechless when I opened it. I still am. Love it. My other daughter got me an amazing purple watch for work. I love it! I was surprised that I actually got surprise gifts. Who knew?!

8. Some times the gifts I give have ulterior motives. Don’t judge me…you do it too. One year, I gave my hubby a guitar for his birthday. He hadn’t asked for one, but I really wanted him to play one. He did not disappoint. Not only did he learn it…he learned to play a bit of Spanish music. It ended up being a gift back to me. Well played…..

9. For this one, I have to do a bulk category of all the super sweet, amazing, little things my kids have given me over the years. I love the pictures, hand-prints, Christmas ornaments, rings, necklaces, etc. anything given to me by my kids is priceless. I can’t say I have saved everything, but they have all been wonderful.

10. I did plan this one for last. My dear husband died two weeks before my 40th birthday. It was ironic in a way, he was the one that always looked forward to getting old while I fought it tooth and nail. I ended up aging without him. My birthday was not the highlight of my life that year. I had sweet friends that made me go out and party a bit, but it was a bit shallow. Even though Brad was not there to celebrate with me, he had still gotten me gifts. For several weeks around my birthday, I received little packages in the mail. He had ordered me a collection of pendants from different artisans. They were all very unique and different. They weren’t things I had asked for, nor things I had needed. He had succeeded in surprising me, telling me he loved me, and reminding me of the many years we had been together that had been a series of gifts. Whenever I wear them, I remember him and our life together and it is like he is giving me another gift.

I think he should also be given the title of master gift giver…..cause I said so.

 

Photo credit: http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2012-05-23/what-facebook-will-get-out-of-gift-giving-app-karma

winged buttocks

seat of your pants

I try to be a good mom. I really do. I try to do fun stuff and not sweat the small stuff and teach and lead and all that good stuff. I think I do pretty good most of the time. My kids are basically amazing and make up for all my shortcomings in glowing ways.

I decided it would be cool to take my kids on a quick ‘spring break’ vacation. This may be our last chance to get away all together before my oldest son leaves on his mission. We didn’t have a lot of time, and I didn’t want to spend a fortune, so I thought up the ‘brilliant’ idea of going to Roswell to check out the alien stuff and then to Carlsbad to see some amazing caves. I have to admit, I was more prepared for this trip than I normally am. I booked a rental car (bigger and no miles on my car), mapped out the route, and even planned ‘interesting’ stops along the way. I was feeling very cool.

We planned to leave around nine on Monday morning because that is when I “assumed” the car rental place opened. I was a bit late getting to the rental place because I had to wait for my ride. No problem. Still going to work. I got to the rental place “not named but forever avoided” and the car they had for me was NOT the car I had reserved. The ‘agent’ had the nerve to get up in my business and tell me off. Guess who didn’t rent a car? Yep….I walked out.

Now the problem was….do I just take my car? I called around and couldn’t find any other rental with the car size I needed. Poo. Back home I went to talk with the kids. My kids are amazing troopers. We brainstormed and decided the original trip (9+ hours each way) was not going to work in our car. Let’s go somewhere closer….like Magic Mountain! Yes! We all agreed and got in the car.

On the way, thanks to cell phones, we booked a hotel, and checked with a friend in California to see if it was spring break there. Yes, it was. We might end up with lines, but no worries! We got to our hotel and settled in. We decided we would hit the park the minute it opened. I got online to check the hours. Guess what I found?? Magic Mountain was not open during the week until the next week. yeah. We rallied around a nice seafood meal and decided we would slum it and hit Disney or Cali Adventure. Apparently, I last visited those parks at the turn of the century. Tickets to get in are….$80 per person. holy crap in a handbag! I was feeling pathetic, but told the kids we could go. Their words were, “I don’t think I could have $80 worth of fun at those places in one day. Let’s not do it.” Yeah, they are amazing.

We spent the night in the pool, weight room, watching tv, and finally sleeping. In the morning, we rallied again and decided to hit Hollywood. My friend had suggested some cool museums down town. Our spirits were still high so we headed to Hollywood. We ended up touring the Hollywood Wax museum, Ripley’s believe it or not, and the World Record museum. It was actually a lot of fun. My kids got along, behaved, and seemed genuinely interested in everything. Well, Ben wasn’t keen on the Wax museum, but that was just because I accidentally led him down the “Horror corridor” first. Bad mom. We skiddaddled out quick!

After our museuming, we just headed home. We were going to make our traditional stop at the huge dino rest stop but….mom was apparently asleep at the wheel and missed the turn.

When we were about 2 hours out, we thought about hitting our own amusement park in Phoenix, but it was too late.

Our trip was just one glitch after another, Some people might have thrown their hands up and cried but not us. We enjoyed our time together. We were crammed in our car, every seat taken, and nobody fussed or whined at all! Well, Teddy did fuss a bit…. but he is just 4 months old, give the guy credit….cause I said so.

Photo Credit: http://cathykennedystories.blogspot.com/2011/03/five-questions-friday-meme.html

My alien

Barn-peeking

 

I’m pretty sure an alien spacecraft landed next door. No, I didn’t see any flashing lights or silver cigar shaped objects floating in the air. I was actually indoors most of the evening minding my own business. (aka stalking friends on Facebook)  It was a rather uneventful night. Popcorn, bouncing baby, watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles…THREE! Three kids were out doing their thang, so it was pretty quiet here at the casa.

It was when I finally made it into my room to get ready for bed that the evidence was laid before me. As I got up from my knees from doing my nightly cat stretches, I heard a strange sound. It wasn’t a sound I had heard before. It was a sort of purring, whirling, beeping, screaming, whining sound that came from my neighbors house. My neighbors are nice, quiet people that rarely show their face outdoors. Well, except to smoke, but then it’s on the other side of the house and I’m pretty sure it is a quiet activity. I’ve talked to them several times, but we aren’t what you might call ‘close.’

As I sat listening to the sound, trying to figure out what it might be, I imagined my neighbors being taken away by aliens. Would they beam them up in a conduit of green light? Would they put them in huge ziploc bags and throw them over their scaly shoulders? Would they shrink them and put them in tiny balls like those littlest pet shop toys? What would they want with my neighbors anyway? Are they that much more interesting than my family? I mean, really? We have all kinds of crazy going on at MY house, why not take us?

The funny thing is that I was (am) planning to take the kids on a road trip to Roswell next week to check out the alien crap, I mean…..’evidence.’ I thought it would be fun to go see what it’s all about. We will most likely hit Carlsbad as well, since we have to pass it to get there. Who knows? Maybe we will actually learn something during spring break! Is that allowed?

The sound from next door stopped when I started writing this. Maybe all the aliens wanted was to be acknowledged by an amazing blogger. done. Or maybe they finished eating my neighbors and left. Or maybe, they decided to lay low and wait for the really interesting people next door to my neighbors to go to sleep so they could watch our dreams. My dreams have been pretty amazing lately so, I would not be surprised. You just never know with aliens….cause I said so.

 

Photo credit: http://videomartyr.blogspot.com/2010_08_01_archive.html

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