Vent Elation

Colourful preschool numbers

The rumor is that everyone cries during their first year of teaching. I have witnessed this first hand as a new teacher fled her room, never to return. It wasn’t her cup of tea after all. It was sad and a bit scarey. I decided right then and there that I would not cry during my first year. If you know me at all, you know I’m not really one to cry anyway. Unless it is a really good doritos commercial or the end of most any good movie, I don’t cry.

I’m coming up on my first anniversary of being a real teacher. I began in the middle of the school  year last year and here we are again. I’ve loved it for the most part. I love the kids, teaching, decorating my room, learning…..and feeling like a real grown up most the time. I never had a real career like job before. It’s kind of exciting and terrifying at the same time. There are times when I’m walking down the hall of the school and I think to myself…..”I’m a real teacher!” and then I feel like breaking out into a hysterical, maniacal laugh. (and sometimes I do)

I know I’m new and I have a lot to learn, but I feel like I’ve been doing okay. My kids are happy and doing well. I have a few that make me want to beat my head against the wall, but I really like all of them.

The big buzz word these days is data. Everything you do is measured by data that shows test results and growth and achievement and blah blah blah. Data is really important and can make or break a teacher. This is how they figure out if a teacher is effective. So, my question is…do I resign now or wait til the Christmas break officially starts. I’m hoping someone tells me it isn’t as bad as it looks to me, but I’m afraid I’m going to get my butt handed to me in an old Kleenex box. How is it that my students can do great on homework and tests in the class and bomb the benchmark tests?

Oh, wait a minute….could it be because the benchmark tests are worded in something close to Chinese? These aren’t words we’ve ever used in math. When was I supposed to teach them these things? Use these words? I guess I could have done it between all the ‘extra’ projects I had thrown at me on a daily basis.

I wonder what teaching was like for teachers when I was a kid. I don’t remember having loads of homework or big projects or seeing my teacher go to the back of the room to cry and pull at her hair. Of course, I don’t remember much of anything after dropping that huge cutting board on my toe in third grade. It’s all kind of a blur……

Don’t worry, I’m not going to really throw the towel in or run down the street with tears streaming down my face. I will face this challenge like any other and start doing it MY way. Yes, I’ve played by your rules long enough and it has kicked me down. Time to step it up and make it work for me and my kids the way I know it will.

Playing by the rules is for losers……cause I said so.

Photo credit: http://www.yalazi.org

I digress….

benefits-of-music-helps-in-recovery

 

 

 

 

Music is my soul food. I’ve heard some really great songs lately, all of which have been discovered in my own music library. I don’t know how they got in there, but I have to believe my guardian angel is one of the Beatles…or possibly Jimi Hendrix himself. Here is one of the songs that made me stop in my crazy day tracks and listen. My soul feasted, my breath slowed, and my homework waited.

Listen…..cause I said so.

“Back To Forever”

If I had my way. We would stay golden
Frozen in frame. Never get older
Days pass and time just slips away

The summers that came. Lasted for ages
Drinking coke in the shame. Sunburnt faces
I grew up and I.. went away
But I always said that I’d come back someday
To be laid down

Take me back to forever
That’s where I was born to be
How’d I end up in this land of never
Only memories

It used to go slow,
But now it’s so fast
It melts like the snow,
Christmas midwest
Time lapses years just drift away
But I always said that I’d come back someday
to be laid down
Take me back to forever
That’s where I was born to be
How’d I end up in this land of never
Only memories
In this spot.
This exact spot
Is where I’d hide until I got caught
And this place, this is my place
And homes all I got so

Take me back to forever
That’s where I just long to be
How’d I end up in this land of never
Only memories
Oh my memories,
they come back to me.
Oh my memories.

Wanna hear it? click here….
Photo credit: http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CAYQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Ffractalenlightenment.com%2F25206%2Flife%2Fseven-ways-how-music-benefits-your-health&ei=13llVJeBF6P3igK81IBw&bvm=bv.79142246,d.cGE&psig=AFQjCNHr6lVkDRcaYe1RphHjGcCCa2RcOw&ust=1416022785678009

Reality Snow

manniquins

They aren’t really friends. They aren’t even what you would call acquaintances. Yet, they are always there when I need someone to make me feel better. We laugh together, we cry together, we even do stupid stuff together. I say together, but in reality….I’m just watching.I’m a spectator in this relationship. At times it can be a bit frustrating to know that I mean nothing to them. I mean, if it wasn’t for me and others like me, they would have nothing, but still….they don’t even know me.

It’s the sort of relationship that some say is unhealthy. An intervention could be needed. Or maybe I could find a hobby or better yet, use my time to do homework or laundry. The problem is, when I do those things…I feel lonely.I need my friends, as shallow and un-fulfilling as it may seem, I need them. They don’t judge me, they don’t send me epic long texts reminding me of every mistake I’ve ever made. They don’t care. They really don’t care.

School was out today.I spent the day with my daughter and she actually thanked me for a fun day. That was the highlight. It is rare that 17 year old girls say thank you for much of anything. It made me smile. It was a good day. I could go to sleep, but I need these people just for a while…

My friends stare back at me through the glass. They are frozen in place…scared I’ll turn away or even disappear. It’s time. I’ve got to disappear….if only til tomorrow night….cause I said so.

Photo credit: http://www.ecouterre.com

I’m Batman

jack on the corner

 

HALLOWEEN is not my favorite holiday. There is something about parents taking their kids around to strangers’ houses and asking for candy that just doesn’t seem quite right. Especially if they have been teaching these same children not only to never talk to strangers, but to never ever take candy from said strangers. Hmm…. The logic of it all escapes me.

When I was a kid, we didn’t do Halloween because my mother said it was the Devil’s holiday. As David Spade would say….”it kinda is…..” but it doesn’t have to be.

I love all the create costumes that wandered through my candy stash last night. We had the typical witches, mummies, zombies that you get every year, but there were a few gems. Two teens that live in my neighborhood rode up on their scooters looking completely normal. Not to be judgmental, I asked them what they were dressed as. They said they were dressed as each other. The make up was amazing…I was completely fooled. It was only enhanced by their quirky responses to my questions. Well done girls.

I love seeing little girls embracing their feminine side with crowns and ruffles and fairy wings. My girls totally gipped me in this area. They were never frilly girly girls. But I love who they are. Last night my own girls were dressed as a very tall fairy and a blue haired ….. creepy clown? I’m not sure what her official title was, but her make up was….extreme.

I have to say that my favorite costume from last night was the little girl who was dressed as a princess with a hard hat and tool belt on. Now, that is the kind of princess I could be. Pamper me, give me diamonds, and let me use the power tools. Can we do it? Yes I can!

I didn’t really dress up for the holiday. I had to wear something for school, but I mainly embraced the option of wearing jeans to school. I added some really red lipstick, a bandana around the updo, and a cardigan and called myself the 50’s. It was a stretch, but at least I didn’t make anyone cry (that I know of) and I didn’t need paint stripper to get the make up off my face.

Maybe next year I will go all out and do something amazing. Maybe I’ll find a WonderWoman outfit that covers my…assets….or I’ll dress up as a Rock Star with pink hair. Who knows? I’m pretty sure I won’t be like the kid down the street. He had a scary mask, rumpled clothes, and walked around dragging a shovel behind him. It’s amazing how much the shovel added to the scariness of his costume. I don’t know what movie or show or legend he was trying to convey, but I’m pretty sure he wasn’t a gardener……cause I said so.

Wanted: BFD

best-friends-iWhat did we do before Pinterest? I really don’t think my life had meaning before this amazing little site came along and organized everything in the world for me. No matter what I’m looking for, I can find it on Pinterest. It’s like the new Google, without Justin Bieber.

I was looking for a quote the other day to send to someone and I ended up reading a lot of really inspirational, gooshy, completely depressing quotes about friendship. Why, do you ask, would friendship quotes be depressing? Well, mostly because I don’t have friends. I mean, yes, if you look at my Facebook page(s) you will see that I have many many people listed under the ‘friends’ tab, but….they are not the kind of person I can call to eat chocolate in the middle of the night, bemoan about my love(lack of) life, or to move a dead body. How did this happen?

I have pondered about this for quite some time. I look at others people and their best friends from high school or elementary school or childhood neighbor, and I think….where was I? It’s true, my family moved around a bit as a kid, but we didn’t move far once I got into high school. After I got married, we continued the tradition of moving around until I moved home five years ago.

Somewhere along the line, you’d think I would have made a lasting friend I could call and talk to in the middle of the night when I’m afraid I’m being stalked or gaining weight. But alas, I have not.

I have decided it is because of two possible reasons. Number one, I was married to my best friend for 19+ years. Maybe I felt like I just didn’t need anyone else? Number two, I’m too chicken to share my life with anyone. By chicken, I mean, I’m too afraid to show any weakness to anyone in fear they will use it against me, call me stupid, or somehow destroy me with their subtle, subconscious death ray. Issues? Yeah, I got those…..

Now that I am single, the fact that I have no best friend is really getting to me. I’ve decided to hold auditions/interviews. I will put a list of ‘requirements’ on here and if you are interested in applying for the job, just contact me. May the odds be ever in your favor.

Requirments:

Must not be easily offended, must laugh at my jokes, must not judge me by my messy house/hair/face/waistline/etc., must be able to support me even when I do stupid things, must also do stupid things, must honestly desire to be my friend and not just be using me for research for their psychology paper, must live close enough to go for walks when I want to jump off a cliff, must have a sexy male friend they can introduce me to (okay, that one is optional), …..must be able to tell me what a best friend does cuz I really don’t have a clue. Maybe this is a mythical creature like the hydra….? Maybe I’m safer on my own? Maybe I’ll go back to watching Netflix…..where my real friends are….cause I said so.

Rainy days and Tuesdays….

pink-flower-in-rain

It’s been a while since I last wrote. In fact, it’s been a lifetime. So many things have happened. The format for my blog for one…what the heck is this blue screen?

My daughter got married. I know….how am I old enough for that to have happened? And it wasn’t like she was an underage mail order bride or anything. She is the ripe old age of 22. She married a terrific guy that laughs at my jokes and doesn’t get upset when she throws fits.

The day of the wedding was full of miracles. My hair looked amazing, everyone made it safely to the event and the weather was perfect. It had rained most of the day before. This might not be a big deal in Florida or other non-desert parts of the world, but here in Arizona it was a freaky day. When I say it rained, I don’t mean it just rained…it literally poured buckets from the sky. Torrents of rain came down. We had more rain on that Monday than we normally have in an entire year here. The rain washed the world and made everything sparkly and beautiful for the wedding. It wasn’t even very humid. Everything went off without much of a hitch.

The reception was Tuesday night. I drove over to the reception hall, nervously glancing at the dark clouds circling above. Surely it wouldn’t rain again….not after we had gotten more than our fair share the day before. It wasn’t in the rule book. Someone would oppose. It rained. It was that beautiful dark, cloudy, mysterious, everything-looks-better-in-this-kind-of-light afternoon but, I couldn’t enjoy it. My hair still looked good but would cease if it rained. There was a lot of stuff to carry in and set up, including a photo booth and cake. Both of these items rebelled against rain. I got a bit worried.

I sat in my car, wishing the rain would stop, and knowing it was in reality getting darker and wetter. I did the only thing I could think of. I put my hands together and said a prayer. “Please Heavenly Father, just one more blessing today. Please make the rain stop.” I’d said a lot of prayers over the last few weeks and I felt a bit guilty asking for one more. Was it really important for the rain to stop? In the grand scheme of things?

Heavenly Father cares about what is important to us. He knows us and wants to help us. He knows what we need, but wants us to ask for it. I asked. The rain stopped. It literally, slowed, and stopped. The clouds parted, held back, and obeyed. We were able to move everything in, including my hair, the cake and the photo booth. People came, instead of hiding at home from the rain. We had pictures outside in the amazing light. All in all, it was a perfect evening.

Heavenly Father knows. He cares. He answers prayers. Was having the rain stop important in the big picture? Maybe not, but to us….it was a big deal. Not because we got to take pictures or stay dry or have a huge amount of people show up. It was a huge deal because we were given a witness, once again, of how much He loves us.

Prayers are answered.

Photo credit: http://www.blog.newscom.com

Mean, medium, and mood

sand heart

 

 

 

 

 

 

Things I have learned the hard way.

 

1.  Time does not stand still.

2.  Working out doesn’t last as long as the donuts you ate for lunch.

3.  Friends are easy to lose, but very hard to find.

4.  Good moods can be as fleeting as clouds.

5.  Shrimp doesn’t have Mercury in it. (It’s still a sea bug)

6.  Saying yes does not build ability. (or add time)

7.  Johnny Lingo could never have stayed in Mahana’s village.

8.  It is possible to feel alone in a room full of people.

9.  Prayers are always answered…even when we ask for the wrong thing.

10.  I can come up with nothing profound when my heart hurts.

 

photo credit: http://www.jbryantwrites.com

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